In My Darkest Dreams
by Lastew
Summary: Buffy, who now lives in Rome, starts having dreams about Giles dying. She goes to find him, but he doesn’t seem to want to see her. What in the world could be wrong and how does this tie into the dreams?
1. Chapter 1

Title: In My Darkest Dreams

Author's Name: Laura Sichrovsky

Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Rating: PG-13 or FRM

Pairing: Buffy/Giles

Warnings: None

Season: It takes place a few years after the show, so maybe a non-comic season 9?

Spoilers: Possibly for the end of the show. There is mention of the First, Kennedy, and the new Council.

Disclaimer: This is where I put the statement saying that I do not own Buffy, Giles (Heh! I wish!), Sunnydale, or anything relating

to the show. No one is paying me to do this and if you feel the sudden urge to send me gifts, you might want to talk

to someone about that. Joss Whedon owns all things Buffy and has not given me permission to use these characters

as I have so if you have problems with the story, please send the pretzel bombs to me, not him.

Summary: Buffy, who now lives in Rome, starts having dreams about Giles dying. She goes to find him, but he doesn't seem to

want to see her. What in the world could be wrong and doesn't tie into the dreams?

Author's Notes: Thanks need to be given, and here is where they go. Thanks to Joss for creating characters so fun to watch and

to borrow for a bit. Thanks to Tony Head for making Giles so amazing. I tried to fight it, but he was just too

remarkable not to fall for. Big thank yous to my best friend, Ann, for the support and the beta. I need to say,

thank you, thank you, and…oh yeah, THANK YOU! Thanks to my amazing husband who not only doesn't get

upset when my writing takes over, but who doesn't freak about the men who live in my head. I love him so.

A Note on the spelling of Willow's nickname here: I spelled it "Wil" instead of "Will" because that was the way

it was spelled in the subtitles on the DVDs.

In My Darkest Dreams

The room was dark, yet there were shadows on the walls. They flickered, moving slightly in a rhythmic pattern. Buffy turned her attention away from the shadows, back to the rest of the room. It was a living room in a home. There was a couch to her left. She cautiously walked around it, moving to the center of the room.

Her heart froze in her chest as she saw a body on the floor. Moving with increased stealth, she circled around towards the body. She could tell that it was a man. He was tall and his body stretched out on the floor in front of a love seat. As she approached, she could see his face and she heard a scream fill the air.

It took her a second to realize that the scream had come from her. In that second she had covered the remaining space and was now kneeling in front of him, her body shaking with sobs that she didn't even feel. She reached out a trembling hand to touch his face.

"Oh, Giles," Her voice was barely above a whisper. "Giles, no."

His eyes were wide and the look on his face was heartbreaking; so distraught, so hopeless. She wanted to back away from him, but couldn't, couldn't stop stroking his face and murmuring his name.

She had no idea what happened here, or even how she got here, but she knew she needed to find who had done this to him. She heard a noise behind her. Turning, slowly, she knew that she was about to face his killer. Before her eyes found the person, the whole room began to shake and spin.

She gasped, pulling in air and realizing that she was sitting in her bed in her apartment in Italy. Her whole body was trembling as the images from her dream came back to her. She fumbled for the phone, dialing his home number. After fifteen rings she gave up and did the mental math on the time difference. He was an hour behind her. It was three in the morning here, so it was two am in London. Where was he?

She tried his office, getting the main switchboard's voice mail. She wondered briefly how that would work in an apocalypse, then moved on, trying his home number again. When he didn't answer, she began to feel the beginnings of panic.

What if this had been one of her prophetic dreams? What if she was too late?

Buffy got up and went to the kitchen, getting a drink of water. After a moment, she dug around in the pile by her phone until she came up with a book. She flipped through the pages for a minute, then picked up the phone.

"Yes, I'd like to make a reservation on the next flight you have from Italy to London. Yes, I can hold. Thank you."

x x x x x x x x

Rupert Giles sat, his head in his hands, his fingers massaging his forehead. He had an abysmal headache, one so bad it was actually making him nauseous. He took a deep breath, focusing his thoughts inward. It really didn't help, but he didn't have much choice. He had to ignore it and go on. There was a mountain of paperwork awaiting his perusal.

Since Sunnydale had been sucked into the earth, Giles's life had gone a decidedly different direction than he thought it would. Instead of walking off into retirement, he had taken charge of the small band of refugees, relieving Buffy of the burdens of command. It hadn't been an easy few weeks, but calling on connections and favors, he'd liberated Council money and gotten all the Slayers emergency passports.

He'd brought them back to England, to a compound the Council owned. There he had offered them all shelter and training. Slowly, more Slayers and Watchers who had been in hiding came to them. After a month, the compound was full and Giles knew someone had to take charge, had to get organized. He called everyone to a meeting and the next thing he knew, he was the newly elected Head of the Watchers' Council.

He was gratified at their confidence and terrified with the responsibility. But, Giles being Giles, within three weeks, had moved the offices into a new building in London proper; set up classes, both academic and combative, for the Slayers; hired himself a staff; and had procured three new training campuses, all within 10 kilometers of each other.

He had held a week long training seminar for all the returning Watchers, making sure they understood how *this* Council was going to operate. Within three months of arriving in England, the new Council was operational. Offices were filled, classes were held, work was being done. Giles had gotten to personally interview the applicants for the Watcher training program. He'd hand picked the Watchers and Slayers who accompanied Robin and Faith back to The States to set up operations in Cleveland. He'd been the model of efficiency and everyone had been in awe of him.

But, that had been a year and a half ago. Now, here he was, bogged down in the paperwork and decisions that marked his position. He was tired, he was worn out, he was bored, and worst of all, he was lonely. He knew that he was sniveling, that it was the headache making him maudlin, but he felt isolated and abandoned. He found himself missing his life in Sunnydale, the excitement and camaraderie. Here, he knew his work was important, but it was not like when he trained his Slayer, all adrenaline and terror. This was important in a 'if that isn't approved, Slayers won't have extra weapons' way; necessary, but not apocalyptic.

He closed his eyes, fighting back the wave of self-pity he was feeling. He missed that time and he missed them, missed the children he'd never had but who were his all the same. After the first six months of setting up, they had all gone their separate ways. Xander had gone off to Africa, looking for Slayers. He wrote Giles from his laptop almost every night, but it wasn't the same; Giles hadn't seen him in eight months. Willow and Kennedy had gone to South America. He got e-mails from them as well. He had hopes of seeing them for the holidays, but the hopes weren't that great. Dawn had gone to Italy with her sister, even Andrew had gone to The States. He heard from them once in a while, but not often. And then there was Buffy. She had left for Italy almost a year ago and he'd had two phone calls from her since. He tried not to think that they had all grown beyond the need for him, but it seemed they had.

Giles sighed, opening his eyes and concentrating on the papers in front of him. If he didn't pay attention he'd be here all night again.

It was about three o'clock in the afternoon when his secretary buzzed to inform him a Slayer was here to see him. He had just started to wonder what the problem could be when his door opened and his mind suddenly refused to work. His heart gave a wild jump, his emotions surged as he recognized not just *a* Slayer, but *his* Slayer, his Buffy. He wanted to jump up and hug her, but he forced himself to stay seated.

He mentally berated himself for his enthusiasm; if she was here, it must be on business.

"Buffy, how nice to see you." He kept his voice level. "Please have a seat."

She raised an eyebrow at him, not moving any closer.

"That's all I get? I come over five hundred miles and I don't even get a hug?" Her eyes were sparkling and a smile twitched at her lips.

Giles forced a smile onto his face. He wasn't really feeling up to playing these emotional games today. She wanted to act like nothing had changed between them, like they saw each other all the time. He wasn't sure he could do it. If he let his guard down, he'd only feel the sting of it all the more when she left again.

"Of course I'd like to hug you, Buffy, but is it really appropriate?"

"Hmm, let me think?" Buffy walked towards him, still smiling. "Is it appropriate to hug your Slayer? Yeah, I think it is. Now, if I was just any old Slayer off the street, I might wonder."

Giles couldn't stop the chuckle from leaving his lips. He always was helpless against her charms. The next thing he knew, he was standing next to his desk, holding Buffy in his arms.

"I've missed you, Giles," she said softly, hugging him close.

"I've…yes, well…" Giles fought the wave of emotion that hit him. Oh how he wanted to just stay this way, holding her, enjoying a physical closeness, even if emotional closeness to her were denied him. He wanted her to be his Slayer again; wanted to be her Watcher and hers alone. But, that wasn't what life gave him. No, his life was to be here, in an empty office, far away from any connections to life. He stiffened against her and stepped out of her arms. "So, what can I do for you, Buffy?"

He sat back down and she looked at him again, her eyes searching. After a few moments, she walked around to his side of the desk, moved some papers, and sat on the edge, bracing herself with one foot on his chair.

Giles's eyes went wide and he felt a momentary panic. He'd been counting on the formality of his position, on the aloofness of this office to keep him distant from her. But, in typical Buffy style, she'd just broken through all convention to make herself his equal. He looked up at her.

"I do have chairs, you know." He indicated the two plush office chairs in front of his desk.

"Yeah, but that's so stuffy." Buffy grinned at him. "This is how I always used to sit on your desks in Sunnydale. Why not now?"

Why not now? He wanted to tell her that this wasn't Sunnydale, that he wasn't her Watcher, that she was the one who had cut him out of her life, that he had a position to consider here, that having her this close, that reliving their time in Sunnydale, that pretending nothing had changed was killing him emotionally. He wanted to tell her this and more, but his affection for her kept him from saying anything. Instead, he simply nodded at her.

"Yes, well, what brings you to my office?" His voice had become formal again as he mentally rebuilt his barriers.

"Actually, I'm here to ask for a favor."

Ahh, she needed something from him. Of course. He knew there had to be some motivation to pull her away from her life in Italy. He denied to himself the stab of pain her words had given him. He would never admit to being fool enough to think she had wanted to spend time with him.

"And what would that be?"

"Well, you see," She leaned forward, putting a hand on his arm. "I'm in town indefinitely visiting this very nice British guy and I need a place to stay."

Giles felt as if she'd slapped him. She was here after a boy and she wanted him to find a place to put her up? He took a breath, pulling himself together before he answered her calmly.

"We could put you up in one of the Slayers' compounds if you don't mind being a bit out of town and sharing a room." He could hear how cold his voice had become. It should worry him, he knew, but he didn't really give it much thought as he went on. "And just where in London does your young man live?"

Buffy looked at him for a minute, then burst out laughing.

"There isn't a young man, you lunatic. I was talking about you."

"You were…me…I don't understand."

"I'm here to visit you. You are the nice British guy. I'm not sure how long I'll be here, but I was hoping you'd let me stay with you. Since you are the reason I'm here and all."

Giles felt a jolt as he looked into her eyes and saw that she was serious. She was here to see him. But…

"Why?" He asked the last part of his question out loud, not even realizing he'd done it.

"Why what?" Buffy smiled at him.

"I'm sorry?" He frowned, his mind whirling in confusion.

"You asked why and I was asking why what."

"Oh, sorry. I…it was just…nevermind."

"No, what is it you wanted to know?" Buffy touched his arm again, smiling at him.

"It's…well, why are you here to see me?"

Buffy tilted her head looking into his eyes.

"Do I need a reason?"

"Yes…I mean no, you don't, but you usually have one."

"I woke up the other day and I realized that we haven't really seen each other much."

"Yes? And that brought you here, why?"

"I missed you. Simple as that."

"And you'll be staying until you don't miss me anymore?" He was striving to keep the bitterness out of his voice.

"Well, now that would be impossible, wouldn't it?" Buffy teased. "The minute I leave I'm missing you again."

"That hasn't stopped you from being absent for almost a year." He knew how petty it sounded, how childish, but he couldn't help himself. Somewhere behind his walls, a dull ache had started. He couldn't even begin to guess when, but it was such a part of his existence that it had to have been there a while.

"Giles?" Her lips had pulled into a pout and he could see worry in her eyes. He sighed.

"I'm sorry. That was uncalled for." He brought a hand up to rub the back of his neck. "I've…I'm tired and I have a rather nasty headache. Still, no excuse for snipping at you."

"It's…well, it's not okay, but I understand. Why don't you take me to your place?"

"I…well, I have all this work to do."

"It can wait. I came here to see you and you need a nap. Both good reasons for us to leave right now. Okay?"

He looked into her eyes, feeling defeated and tired. A part of him wanted to embrace this, to settle into the comfort she was offering. The greater part knew that it came with a price that he couldn't pay. She would be leaving and he would be alone again. He sighed. She was right about one thing; he needed some sleep.

He stood, taking his coat from the back of his chair and shrugging it on. As he walked towards the door, Buffy fell into step next to him, taking his hand in hers. He wanted to fight it, he really did, but he hadn't the will right now. After telling his secretary that he'd be back in the morning, he walked out of the building with Buffy, holding her hand and carrying her bags as they went to the nearest Tube station.

x x x x x x x x

They walked into Giles's flat and Buffy stopped, looking around with wide eyes.

"Giles, this is amazing."

She walked across the main room to a set of glass doors that looked onto a private garden. Buffy had never seen so many flowers in one place. They grew in every size and shade, looking almost wild, yet not quite. It was obvious that this garden was well cared for. There was a fountain surrounded by flowers and vines. A table and three chairs sat on a small brick patio.

"This is yours?" Buffy asked, turning to look at him.

"It…well, yes, it came with the flat. I simply look after it."

"You're doing a great job. Is this where you take your tea these days?"

"I don't have time for tea," He replied. "Why don't we take your things to your room?"

He led her down a hall to a large, airy room with a bathroom attached. There was a door that led into the garden.

"Isn't this the master bedroom?" Buffy asked, looking around.

"Actually, the master bedroom is next door. We'll be sharing a bathroom. I hope that's okay. If it's not, the other bedroom has a private bath, but not garden access."

"No, this is good," Buffy smiled. "I don't mind sharing with you."

He put her bags down on the bed and turned to go.

"I'll leave you to unpack now."

Buffy frowned to herself as she put her clothes in drawers. She had been almost in a panic when she arrived at the Watchers' Council that afternoon, absolutely sure that Giles wouldn't be there. When his secretary had informed her that he was indeed in, she had almost sagged with relief. She wasn't too late to stop the dream from coming true. Now that she was here, she wasn't sure what to make of the way Giles was reacting to her.

She took a small bag into the bathroom, finding places for her toiletries and musing further. The whole time they had lived in Sunnydale, Giles had been at least mildly comfortable around her. Now, he carried himself stiffly and tried to keep a distance between them. Even his voice was vague and business like. She found herself wondering what was going on in his head.

When she finished putting her things away, she went back to the main room to see Giles sitting at a desk going through mail. He didn't even look up as she entered the room. She stood for a minute, watching him.

"So, what do we do now?" She asked tentatively.

"Beg your pardon?" Giles replied, not looking up from the letter in his hand.

"Do? You and me? It's about six o'clock. Maybe we could eat?"

"I don't really have much here," Giles said, frowning. "I usually eat at the office."

"You eat dinner at work? How late do you stay?"

"As late as is necessary." He'd gone back to the mail and his voiced sounded distracted.

"Well, we have to eat," Buffy said. "What do you suggest?"

"We can order take away, I suppose." He still hadn't looked up.

"Can we go out?" Buffy asked.

"Eat at a restaurant?" Giles looked up at her, frowning again.

"People do it. I know they do."

"Well, yes, but I haven't for a while."

"So you are totally due for it." She smiled at him. "Where do you want to go?"

"Well, there's an Indian restaurant up the road. It's fairly close."

"Do they have good food?" Buffy walked over to the desk.

"I've never been there."

"Okay, so they are close, but what do you like to eat?" She realized that she didn't have his full attention. After a moment, she sat on the edge of the desk. He was still reading his letter. She scooted over until she was right in front of him, a foot on either side of his hips for balance. He blinked and looked up at her, his eyes wide.

"Buffy, what are you doing?"

"Sitting." Her voice was casual, but left no room to argue. "So, what do you like to eat?"

"I…I haven't really thought about it for a while. I eat what's convenient."

"Well, not tonight." Buffy leaned forward a little, putting a hand on his shoulder. He turned and looked at her hand, his eyes still wide. "So, how do you feel about Mexican?"

Her grin was wide, but he gasped, looking into her eyes. She could see panic fluttering in his.

"Giles," she said gently. "It's okay if you don't like Mexican."

He drew in a breath and looked back at her. She frowned as she noticed his eyes were empty again, like he'd flipped a switch or put up blinds in there.

"I don't really know of any good Mexican restaurants, but there is a good Spanish place by the museum."

"And you've eaten there?" Buffy asked.

"When I first moved into this flat. The food was very good and they have a two for one special on weeknights."

"Then what are we waiting for?" Buffy smiled at him.

Giles stood up and offered his hand to help her off the desk. She felt a stir of unease at how stiffly he held himself and as soon as she was standing he let go of her hand and stepped away from her. She hoped she could get him to talk at dinner; she was starting to worry. She followed him to the door and he held it open for her, following her into the London evening.

x x x x x x x x x

The restaurant was as pleasant as Giles remembered it, with polished wood floors and starched white table clothes. Buffy seemed delighted with the idea of tapas, ordering several different dishes to share with him. They had just placed their order when she reached across the table, taking his hand and smiling at him. He felt himself stiffen.

"Relax, Giles." Her thumb stroked across the back of his hand and it was everything he could do not to pull away. "So, where were you last night?"

"Last night? I was at work." He squirmed in his seat, unable to pull his eyes off their joined hands. Something about this should bother him. When had he developed such an aversion to being touched?

"All night?" Buffy asked quietly. "I called your place at two in the morning and you weren't there."

"I had reports to review." He dragged his gaze up to her, feeling a flash of irritation. What gave her the right to keep tabs on him? "Why were you calling at two in the morning?"

"I…I had a bad dream and I called you to talk about it."

"Is this the reason for your unannounced visit?" He knew there had to be something to bring her all the way to London.

"Well, partly." She looked up at him, smiling. "It made me realize that I missed you. There was nothing holding me in Italy. Dawn is over eighteen now. She's actually thrilled to get the place to herself."

He nodded, not sure how he felt about what she was saying. He felt childish behaving like this, holding stubbornly to his anger, but some part of him whispered that if he let her in, she'd only hurt him more and he was tired of hurting.

"So," her voice was enthusiastic. "What do you do for fun these days?"

"Fun? I don't really have much time for fun. Fighting evil is a full time job."

Buffy laughed, lightly squeezing his hand.

"I'm sorry, but that sounded so…comic book hero. Now come on, you must do something fun. We fought evil full time in Sunnydale and we still had time to play on occasion."

"I really have been busy as of late," Giles replied neutrally. He wanted to tell her that in Sunnydale, he'd been part of a team. Here it was just him, alone against a mountain of paperwork, knowing that if he missed one important thing, the world could end. He even went so far as to open his mouth to say it, then decided against it. He didn't want to hurt her.

Their appetizers arrived and Giles retreated back into his shell, answering her questions as simply as he could. He knew she was worrying, he could see it on her face; it only served to annoy him more. After a while, she seemed to give up, not really talking to him as she ate. She maintained this all through dinner, although Giles could see her start to speak a few times.

They ordered chocolate fondant to share for dessert. When it arrived, she couldn't keep her silence any longer.

"Giles, what is wrong?" There was genuine concern in her eyes. He almost broke down and told her everything; almost.

"Buffy, there isn't anything wrong. I'm just tired."

She nodded and he knew she didn't believe him. But she didn't push. They finished their dessert in silence and caught the tube to the station a few blocks from his flat. He wasn't surprised when she took his hand as they walked along the canal to his home. He was actually getting used to it and something about that disturbed him.

When they got into his flat, Buffy sat on the couch, her expression one of determination. Giles escaped the only way he could think of, pleading exhaustion and going to his room.

Despite his agitation, he got ready for bed and turned off his light. He was in all honesty, in need of sleep. He slipped under the covers and closed his eyes, but sleep wouldn't come. His mind kept replaying every moment he'd spent with Buffy today, torturing him for both treating her so coldly and for letting her get so close.

He took deep breaths, his mind running over all the reasons he needed to stay strong against her. How deeply she could hurt him topped his list. When she had first gone off to Italy, he'd honestly believed he still meant something to her. He'd hoped for an e-mail, a phone call, even a letter, yet nothing had come. As his days increasingly weighed him down, he relied on the ties to his friends, his little family, to keep him sane. Slowly, the distance eroded their affections and now he was just a name from their pasts, an old man left adrift and alone. He knew he was exaggerating, but to him it felt real. The children had gone on with their lives, no longer needing him and it hurt.

But Buffy had the power to hurt him far more than the others ever could. She had always been his destiny, his Slayer. He'd felt the bond between them should be stronger than it was with the others. And yet she'd just gone off to find a life without him in it and never looked back. And if he tried to pretend everything was the same between them, when she felt the wanderlust strike again, he'd be left alone once more.

Giles sighed, turning over and opening his eyes, staring into the darkness. He couldn't help but think about the way she was treating him, touching him so freely, sitting close to him. This was probably worse than anything else she'd done. Once, what seemed like a lifetime ago, when she'd first started college in Sunnydale, he'd loved her. Not as a friend, not as her Watcher, but loved her as a man loves a woman. He'd nursed his romantic fantasies in silence, watching her go from bad dating choice to bad dating choice, wanting nothing but to be with her. But Giles wasn't a stupid man. He knew she would never see him as anything but old and after a time, he'd mastered his emotions towards her. He'd been her Watcher, she'd been his Slayer, his friend, and nothing more.

Yet this evening, when she'd taken his hand across the table, he'd felt the smallest stirrings of old feelings better left buried. He would not, he could not go down that road again. He'd fought long and hard to see her as nothing but a friend and to revisit those feelings would only bring him heartache. And Giles knew he couldn't take any more heartache.

When the children left, it had taken him many long and lonely days lost in work for it not to hurt every minute. If he let himself relax into this, even into the friendship she was so easily trying to resume, when she left, he'd have to start all over again and he was pretty sure he couldn't do it.

He closed his eyes again, drifting off. As he entered that grey area, somewhere between awake and asleep, his thoughts drifted to times past, times when he was her Watcher and he had people who cared for him. He fell asleep with a frown on his face.

x x x x x x x x x

Buffy walked into the dark room, knowing that when she turned she would see Giles, dead on the floor, but she couldn't stop herself from looking. She felt her body tremble as she looked at him, eyes empty, face a study in anguish. She turned and walked to him, kneeling beside him and touching his face.

She was about to take his hand when she heard a noise behind her. She whirled around, only to find herself sitting up in bed, breathing hard and shaking. She took a deep breath and was just debating getting up for water when she realized that someone was in the bathroom and the shower was running.

Buffy turned to look at the clock on her night stand. It was ten minutes after three. She furrowed her brow, looking up at the glass door and taking in the darkness outside. No, it really was three in the morning. She got out of bed, pulling a robe over her pajamas and wandered down the hall to Giles's room.

She knocked lightly on his door and when he didn't answer, she let herself in. His bed was empty, so she went and sat on it, waiting for him to come back. She sat, lightly drowsing, and after a time, she heard the shower water go off. She wasn't sure how long she waited until the bathroom door opened and Giles walked into the room, a towel around his waist, another around his neck. He was drying his hair and he stopped short upon seeing her.

Buffy sat blinking, her mind almost refusing to work. Giles was amazing! Why on earth did he hide himself under twenty layers of clothes when this gorgeous body was underneath? She was about to ask him that, when she saw his face. He was frowning at her, yet somehow managing to look concerned at the same time.

"Is everything all right, Buffy?"

"Giles what are you doing?"

"I didn't mean to wake you, Buffy. I was getting ready for work." He went back to drying his hair, but he kept eyeing her nervously. He collected some clothing and went back into the bathroom, pulling the door mostly closed. She could hear him moving around.

"At three in the morning?" Buffy called to him. "How long does it take you to get dressed?"

"Well, I usually leave at three thirty," He called back.

"Leave for what at three thirty?" Buffy stifled a yawn.

"For work," he replied.

"Every day?" Buffy asked.

"Usually."

"Why?"

"I do have a lot of work to do."

"Giles?" She called to him.

"Hmm?" He responded, walking out of the bathroom. He had on dress pants and was buttoning up a blue shirt.

"Are you starting your own country?"

"What? Of course not." He looked at her with wide eyes.

"Then you do not need to be up at three in the morning. Come back to bed."

"Buffy, I can't." He pulled a tie from his closet and walked over to his dresser mirror. "I have three reports to go over and a few proposals to read before my breakfast meeting at nine."

"And you need that information for your meeting?" Buffy asked quietly.

"Well, not exactly..." He hedged, looking at her in the mirror.

"Bed! Now!" Buffy demanded, putting her hands on her hips while still sitting on the bed.

"Buffy..." His voice sounded exasperated. She cut across all his arguments.

"That's it! I guess I have to use my Slayer strength on you!"

"To do what?" His eyes were wide again and he sounded positively scandalized.

"To keep you in bed," she said simply.

"Do you understand how wildly inappropriate that sounds?" He asked, turning to face her.

"Not as much as it's going to look when I'm sitting on top of you to keep you in bed."

His face paled and he looked at her in horror.

"Buffy!"

"Right now!" she said, getting to her feet. "I'll undress you if I have to."

He blinked at her, taking in her serious expression and began to untie his tie. She watched him as he folded the tie and put it on the dresser. He took the shirt off, hanging it over the back of a chair to the side of the dresser. He was wearing a white undershirt which he seemed to debate on taking off. After a moment, he went back into the bathroom.

"You do realize that you've put me completely off schedule for the day." He called from the bathroom.

"Any schedule that starts at three in the morning deserves to be redone."

"Now I won't be able to come home until after dark."

"We'll talk about that later," Buffy replied.

"Buffy, I have certain things that need to be done in a day."

"I'm sure we can figure out something that won't have you working a fifteen hour day."

Giles walked out of the bathroom wearing dark grey sweatpants and a blue t-shirt.

"Much better," Buffy said with a smile. "Now, let's get you back in bed."

She climbed in, pulling the covers around her and laying down. Giles stared at her.

"What are you doing?" He asked, his voice tight.

"Going back to sleep? Now get your butt in here before I come after you."

She watched him take a deep breath. His face looked like he was going into battle instead of back to bed. He climbed under the covers on the other side of the bed, resting right on the edge. One wrong move and he'd be on the floor.

"Giles, scoot over before you fall out. Sleeping shouldn't be an extreme sport."

He didn't move and she sighed.

"Do I come and get you?"

He moved marginally closer and she let it go. At least he wouldn't fall out.

"Buffy?" His voice was so tense. She could picture his jaw clenched. "Why are you doing this?"

"Why am I making sure you actually get sleep?"

"I don't need a babysitter."

"No, I don't suppose you do. But at least this way you get some sleep and I know you are safe."

"What does that mean?" He sounded confused.

"That means I'm staying here and so are you. Now, get some sleep."

x x x x x x x x x

Giles had to admit that he was still tired. He hadn't slept well the night before. He'd just about jumped out of his skin when he'd walked in from the bathroom to find her on his bed. For one crazy moment he thought it was a dream, one of those wild, passionate dreams that had so dominated his life five years ago and that still occasionally plagued him. But the look on her face had been enough to convince him that this was real; she looked sleepy and worried.

He'd almost fainted when she ordered him to bed with her. He'd tried to fight her, but Buffy was Buffy and now, here he was, laying stiffly in his bed listening to her breathe. From the evenness of her breath, he could tell she was sleeping again. He wondered if he could get up without waking her and quickly dismissed the thought. Even if he could, when she woke and found him gone, there would be hell to pay.

He shifted carefully into a more comfortable position and was surprised by a yawn. It seemed at this point, his only choices were to lay here, overly aware of the woman beside him, or to go back to sleep. He closed his eyes, willing his body to relax. After a few minutes it even began to work. His thoughts began to drift and the next thing he knew, Buffy was shaking him gently.

"Giles? It's almost seven o'clock. When did you want to get up?"

He yawned and rolled over to look at her. His breath caught as he was struck by her beauty. She sat there, smiling at him, the morning sunlight setting her hair aglow. Her eyes were alight with her smile and her skin was flawless. He swallowed hard, fighting desperately to shove these feelings from him. He sat up quickly, leaving the bed.

"Now…is good," He said tightly.

"Do you need the bathroom?" Buffy asked, getting up.

"I showered a few hours ago. I don't need it just yet."

"Good. I've decided I need to earn my keep around here. I'm going into the office with you."

He nodded as she walked past him into the bathroom. He sighed deeply. Why was he getting the impression that it was going to be a very long day?


	2. Chapter 2

Buffy and Giles stepped off the elevator and walked quickly towards his office.

"You don't need to run," Buffy said, effortlessly keeping up with him.

"I'm late."

"It's not even eight o'clock yet," she pointed out.

"Yes, but I'm normally in before four. I'm rather running behind, now aren't I?"

"Giles, even cattle farmers aren't up that early. Relax."

His secretary looked up as they approached and Buffy saw a tension leave her shoulders.

"Mr. Giles, so good to see you. I was beginning to worry." She smiled at him.

"I'm sorry, Margaret. My house guest insisted that I sleep in today. I should have called."

"Oh, it's no problem. Your first appointment isn't for an hour. I put the global updates on your desk along with the Wicca schedule for today. Is there anything else?"

"No, I think that should keep me busy until my meeting. Thank you, Margaret."

When they were in the office, Buffy looked around, noting the piles of paperwork everywhere. She went to the desk and sat in Giles's chair. He ignored her as he hung his suit coat on the back of the chair.

"So, what do I do today?" She asked, idly picking up a report and scanning it.

"Hmm? Oh, why don't you go to the training compound? Margaret can arrange a ride for you. You can talk to Rachael, our director there, and assess the situation. Maybe she'll want you to give a guest lecture."

"That sounds great," Buffy said with a smile. "I can meet you back here for lunch and tell you how it goes."

"Yes, of course," Giles answered, not looking up from a report he was now reading.

"And then we can catch a plane back to The States and move to Las Vegas. We can set up an office supply warehouse and get married. You wouldn't be opposed to having nine kids, would you?"

"That sounds reasonable," He said, still not looking up. She stifled a smile as she watched his brow furrow. He looked up at her. "What did you just say?"

"You mean about lunch?"

"I was actually referring to…nine children? I'm sorry, Buffy. I suppose I wasn't paying attention."

"Considering you just agreed to marry me? No, I'd say you weren't. You're lucky I'm not holding you to that."

She laughed at the slightly terrified look on his face.

"Why don't you ask your secretary to arrange that ride for me?" She smiled at him.

"Yes, yes I'll do that."

A little over an hour later, Buffy was standing in a large gymnasium, watching several young women sparring with each other. The longer she watched, the more her brow furrowed and by the time the director walked up to her, she was wearing a full blown scowl.

"Miss Summers, so wonderful to have you here," Rachael said, walking up and extending her hand. "Director Giles was telling me that you might even be willing to tell the girls what it's like in the field."

Buffy turned to her, shaking her hand, the frown never leaving her face.

"Is this how the girls spar every day?" Buffy asked.

"Yes. Is something wrong?"

"It's not…well, I'm not…they don't fight more…aggressively?"

"I'm not sure I understand the question," Rachael replied. "They seem to be doing quite well."

"Yes, they are, for humans. But these are Slayers and what they are fighting won't be human either."

"Ahhh, yes, I see," Rachael said with a smile. "I'm sure to you this looks mild, but I assure you they are quite brutal."

"No, they aren't" Buffy said bluntly. "Look, I've fought vampires and demons and even a Hellgod. If you send these girls out fighting like this, they are going to get killed."

"Miss Summers, I think you are worrying needlessly."

"You think so? Pick your best girl. I'll fight her one on one. If she wins, I'll admit I'm an alarmist. If I win, you sit down with me and we figure out how to fix this. Deal?"

"That sounds reasonable," Rachael replied with a nod. She turned to look out at the girls. "Claudia! Would you please come here? Claudia has been with us for almost six months. She's very accomplished."

A tall girl with long black hair walked over, nervously looking at Buffy.

"Yes, Miss Rachael?"

"Claudia, this is Miss Summers. She is a Slayer from The States. She would like to spar with you, if you would."

"Of…of course." Claudia said.

Buffy walked out onto the gym floor and smiled reassuringly at the girl.

"Don't hold back," she said with a smile. "I want to see you knock me on my butt. Show me everything you have. You can't hurt me."

The girl nodded and circled around Buffy. The two women moved around each other, each assessing the other. Claudia suddenly struck out, lightning fast. Her punch connected with Buffy's head, yet Buffy barely felt it. She shook her head.

"Harder, Claudia. You're holding back. Hit me harder."

The girl obliged, bringing a punch around to connect with Buffy's shoulder. Again, it was light and didn't even make Buffy wince.

"My Watcher hits harder than that." Buffy said angrily. "Hit me. Really hit me."

Claudia circled around, then aimed a blow at Buffy's face. This time it stung, but not enough. Buffy spun around, bringing a punch at Claudia's head and knocked the girl to the floor. Claudia blinked up at her.

"That hurt!"

"It was supposed to!" Buffy fumed. "If I was a vampire, I'd have taken your head off. You have speed, but you need to put some power in your punches."

Buffy turned to Rachael, who was staring with an open mouth.

"For the record," Buffy called to her. "I pulled that punch. Your girls are not ready. So, where do we sit down to talk?"

x x x x x x x x x x

Giles was studying a report on vampire activity in Tibet when his office door opened and Buffy stormed in.

"We have a problem," she said without preamble. "Your Slayers can't fight."

"Can't…what do you mean can't fight?"

"They fight like humans. One of them hit me and I didn't even wince. You send them into battle and they are all going to die."

Giles frowned.

"But Rachael is a very accomplished martial artist."

"She is great for a human, Giles, but even she admits that she didn't understand the strength needed for this. Look, I think we need to map out a strategy. Why don't we go to lunch and we can talk about it?"

"I usually just get something from the vending machines." At her look of horror he went on. "The sandwiches aren't so bad."

"Giles, you need to eat better. Come on."

She held out her hand to him. He didn't really think to argue, falling back into his old role instinctively. He was already taking her hand when it occurred to him what he was doing. He momentarily flinched, but he followed her out of the office.

He realized that he hadn't even a guess as to what restaurants were in the area, so he turned to Margaret.

"Are there any good restaurants near here?" He asked, slightly embarrassed.

"There's a Chinese buffet two doors down on the right," she replied with a smile.

"Sounds great," Buffy said. "Thanks!"

Giles looked over his shoulder at Margaret as he and Buffy walked to the elevator. There was something in her smile that worried him.

"Buffy, perhaps you shouldn't hold my hand in here. People will get the wrong idea."

"Giles, I'm your Slayer. I'm not worried about what a bunch of Watchers think. Never have been."

The restaurant was nice and the smells were heavenly. Giles hadn't realized how hungry he was until they walked in. After being seated, they got food and sat together at their quiet table in a corner.

"So, what do you propose to solve our problem?" Giles asked.

"Well, I talked to Rachael and we agreed that I need to take an active role in teaching these girls. They have the strength, but they are afraid to use it. They don't want to hurt anyone."

"You?" Giles looked at her, completely surprised. "But Buffy, you are only here temporarily."

"Yeah, about that. I think this move has to be permanent. You won't mind if I stay with you indefinitely, will you"

"Buffy, of course I don't," Giles said, silencing the part of him that dissented. "But, this isn't what you wanted. You wanted to be able to enjoy your life now."

"How can I enjoy it when I know I'm needed here? What other choice do you have?"

"Buffy, I can take over the training program."

"You?"

"Why not me?" He sounded indignant. "I trained you."

"I'm not saying that you aren't good enough. I'm saying you are already too busy."

"This is my job, Buffy. If it needs to be done, I can do it."

"Yes, it's your job, but what about your life?"

"I don't understand the question," Giles said, his brow furrowed. "This is my life."

"Giles, this isn't a life." Buffy's voice was dismissive. It sparked something in Giles.

"Well, it's all I have," he snapped.

"Don't give me that," Buffy shot back. "This is your choice."

"No." Giles's voice was low and angry. "You lot took my choice away when you left me holding the Council bag and never looked back. I don't begrudge you outgrowing me, but don't you dare come back here and belittle the existence I'm forced to endure."

Buffy was looking at him with wide eyes.

"Giles," her voice was gentle. Something about that made Giles's throat sting. Of all the things he wanted from Buffy, pity wasn't one of them.

"I'm sorry," he interrupted. "I shouldn't have snapped at you."

"No, you have a legitimate complaint, but I have to ask you something." She looked at him. "Giles, why won't you look me in the eyes?"

It wasn't the question he expected. He looked up at her. She stared at him and after a minute, she frowned.

"You still aren't looking at me."

"Buffy, I'm looking in your eyes."

"But you won't let me look into yours. I'm still seeing that wall. Giles, let me see you?"

He looked down, his heart pounding in his chest.

"I can't," he whispered.

"Please, Giles? You are my friend and I love you." She took his hand. "Please?"

Her voice sounded anguished and he looked up, his eyes meeting hers. Knowing it was a mistake of epic proportions, he dropped his wall and looked deeply into her eyes. He felt the hurt and anger of the last year eating him whole, but still he looked. She stared into his eyes and gasped, her hand tightening on his.

"Oh Giles, why didn't you say anything?" Her voice was just above a whisper.

"And what would I have said?" His voice trembled slightly.

"That you are hurting and upset? That you needed us to come back here?"

"Buffy, I wasn't about to call and whine at you and ask you to leave your life for me. I'm an adult."

"You know, someone very close to me once said that sometimes the most adult thing you can do is to ask for help."

He swallowed and looked back into her eyes.

"Giles, you are trying to do it all and you are trying to do it alone. No more. I'm here now. You are going to call Willow and tell her that you need her to come home."

"Whatever for?" He asked.

"I saw those reports. You are running the Wicca corps as well as being Head of the Council?"

"Someone needed to."

"Call Willow. She can do that and you can get a breath now and then."

He wanted to argue, but there was something about her voice that caused relief to flood through him. He was exhausted and empty and it was an amazing thought that someone else might be the responsible one for even a minute. He found himself nodding at her. She absently rubbed the back of his hand.

"You need to find someone to read over those reports for you too."

"Buffy, I can't do that. Those reports are both important and obscure. If we miss one fact, it could literally mean the end of the world."

"Yes, but there must be someone that you trust to read them and report back to you."

"Buffy, I don't even trust myself to read them." He sighed, leaning back in his chair. "The global updates are just that; news reports and government documents from around the world. The information has to be sifted through to find anything that might be paranormal in nature. Sometimes it's something insignificant, a footnote, and it's easily missed. Last month I was reading a news report from Japan and as a side note, the reporter mentioned a couple who was hearing voices in their apartment. It was treated as a joke and I almost dismissed it until I read something the voices said. They said, 'And the ring shall be completed and Grynar shall rule.' Of course the news agencies thought it was nonsense."

"What was it really?" Buffy asked.

"It was a dimensional portal opening in this family's home. If we hadn't caught it and sent Watchers to perform the closing ritual, demons would have gotten through. This isn't work I can pass off onto just anyone."

"No, but you aren't going to do much good if you burn yourself out. We'll think about it. I'm sure there has to be someone who can read these reports for you."

"And now I have the Slayers to worry about." Giles frowned.

"No. *I* have the Slayers to worry about. I'll take care of it." She leaned forward, looking at him intently. "And I'll take care of you too."

"Buffy, I'm not a child." He was frustrated. He didn't want her pity, but he knew that she was right. He'd felt the strain of his lifestyle for a while now and he was quickly nearing the end of his rope.

"I wasn't thinking you were. Giles, you've always taken care of me. It's what friends do. Now it's my turn. Let me help?"

He knew he had no real choice. His life couldn't continue like it was. He took a deep breath and looked into her eyes, silently begging her not to let him fall.

"What else do you suggest?" It was a small concession, but for Giles it was a leap of faith.

He could see in her eyes that Buffy understood that. She smiled at him.

"Let's start small. We'll call Willow and then you and I can go over personnel files to find someone to read those reports. We are also going to go shopping tonight. No more vending machine meals for you. And no more three am mornings. You are going to get some sleep. I can help you read reports until you find someone. Agreed?"

He nodded, relaxing. It was liberating to turn control over to her. He knew it was temporary, but the respite was welcome. He just hoped he wouldn't come to regret this decision.

x x x x x x x x x x

Buffy yawned as she got ready for bed. She was tired emotionally as well as physically. She'd had no idea how much strain Giles had been under, how abandoned he'd felt. Their lunch had been a revelation to her, making her feel so selfish. Giles had let her go, had let her pursue a normal life, even though he had needed her help. After everything he'd done for her, she'd left him fighting the war on his own.

But no more. After lunch, they'd gone back to his office and he'd called Willow. He'd been pretty vague about his reasons for wanting her in London, asking only if she wouldn't mind being reassigned. Buffy hadn't told Giles, but later, when he was in a meeting with the head of the Russian Watchers' division, she had called Willow back and told her the whole story. Willow had been worried, saying that she'd had no idea that Giles needed help so badly. She had also told Buffy that she would be happy to move to London and take over the Wicca corps.

Buffy had forced Giles out of the office promptly at five, and they had stopped at the market on the way home. His refrigerator actually had food in it now and the two of them had passed a pleasant couple hours working together to cook dinner. Buffy knew Giles felt like a burden, like the only reason that she was still here was out of pity. She was determined to show him that she was there because she wanted to be, because she cared about him.

As she climbed into bed, she smiled. It was only eleven o'clock and Giles was already in bed. He'd told her earlier this evening that he was lucky if he was home from work by eleven. She turned out the light and settled in, closing her eyes. She couldn't help but notice how at home she felt here. She realized that in the last few days, she hadn't resented Giles or her destiny even once. As she drifted off to sleep, she couldn't help but wonder why that was.

And then she was back in that room, suffocating from fear. She didn't want to walk into the room, wanted to turn and walk away, but she went in anyway, turning to see him, knowing he was dead and knowing there was nothing she could do to save him. She heard the footsteps behind her and turned, only to find herself sitting up in bed, yet again. Why couldn't she get to the end of the dream?

After a moment, she got out of bed and went down the hall to Giles's room. She didn't knock, letting herself in and crawling into bed with him. Her intention was not to disturb him, but she should have known better. His Watcher training left him a light sleeper. He opened his eyes and smiled at her.

"What brings you in here at one in the morning?" His voice was sleepy, but alert.

"I had another nightmare." She moved across the bed, closer to him, expecting him to flinch away. He didn't.

"Is this the same nightmare that brought you to London?"

"Yeah, it is."

"Do you think it's a prophetic dream?" He rolled on his side, resting his head on his arm.

"God, I hope not!" Buffy could hear the terror in her voice.

"Why don't you tell me about it?"

"It's…well, because it's about you."

"Me?" He looked surprised. "It might help if you told me."

"Well, it starts off with me walking into this room. It's dark, but there's light flickering. I think there might be candles. I get in further and I see a body on the floor." Buffy stopped, a shiver going through her.

She hugged herself. Giles looked at her for a moment before he reached out and took her hand.

"It's okay, Buffy. Go on."

"Well," Buffy paused again and took a deep breath. "I go and look at the body. It's…it's…"

"Me?" Giles asked gently. At her nod he rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb.

"Giles, you are dead, but the worst part is the look on your face. So sad. It broke my heart."

"Was that the end of the dream?" He asked gently, squeezing her hand lightly.

"No, that's when it gets frustrating. I hear someone behind me and I *know* it's what killed you. So I turn around to look and that's when I wake up. What does it mean? Is…is it really going to happen?"

"I can't tell you that, Buffy," He answered seriously. "Does it feel like one of your prophetic dreams?"

"Not exactly, but it does feel like it's trying to tell me something. But how do I know what it is if I can't get to the end of the dream?"

"Buffy, in all the years I've known you, I've learned to trust your instincts. When you need to know, you will."

"When did you go all Yoda?"

"When my Slayer woke me up at one in the morning. This isn't Zen, it's exhaustion." He smiled at her.

"Well, I should let you get back to sleep."

"Do you feel any better?"

"A little."

"Would you like to sleep in here tonight?"

"You don't mind?"

"I'm feeling a little more…relaxed than I have in a while. I'm pretty sure I could deal with having you here."

"Good," Buffy said, moving to the other side of the bed and settling in. "Because honestly, that dream is giving me the heebies."

Giles laughed, pulling the covers up around himself.

"Good night, Buffy. Sleep well."

"Night," Buffy murmured, drifting off to sleep, feeling safer than she had since the dreams started.

x x x x x x x x x x

"I'm telling you, this Brian guy looks like a good choice," Buffy said, pointing her fork in Giles's direction. "He worked as a researcher for six years. He has to be detail oriented."

"His name is O'Brian, Buffy and yes, he was a researcher, but it was for a computer software firm. He has no experience with the supernatural."

Giles took a bite of his salad and sighed, looking at the next file in the stack.

"Giles, most people don't have experience with the supernatural. You knew that when you brought on all these new Watcher trainees. He'll learn." She took a bite of her salad, then looked in her bowl. "You know Giles, this is a great salad. We should order from that place more often."

Giles nodded absently.

"It's much better than the vending machine sandwiches," He murmured. He looked up at her and smiled. "An excellent idea on your part, Buffy."

"Hey, I told you I was going to take care of you, right?" She grinned at him and he returned her smile, shaking his head.

"I should complain, but with such a fine lunch, how can I?" His smile softened. "Thank you, Buffy."

She didn't know how to respond, waving off his thanks.

Their day had already been a long one, starting from the moment they walked in the building at a quarter to eight. A routine patrol had gone bad the night before in Scotland and three Slayers were in the hospital. Reports said they would recover, but there had to be new coverage arranged for the area. As Giles ran off to a meeting, Buffy told him that she would go to the Slayer compound here and calm the girls. Giles had smiled gratefully at her, thanking her for her help.

She had spent her morning assuring the Slayers in training that everything would be fine and telling them that this was the result of waging a war.

"Vampires are bad. This is why we fight them," she said seriously. "I know this is scary, but you are Slayers. You can do this."

She'd led them in exercises followed by meditation. It seemed to help. She'd spent an hour writing up a training plan, showing it to Rachael, who agreed that they needed to start it as soon as possible. By the time Buffy had gotten back to Council headquarters, it was after noon.

Giles was out of meetings, looking harried and exhausted. Buffy hadn't even consulted with him before asking his secretary the best place to order salads from. By the time Buffy and Giles could sit down with their lunch and review files, it was after one o'clock. Half an hour later and they still weren't any farther along in the decision making process.

"Whoever you choose is going to have to learn on the job," Buffy said, putting her salad aside.

"That's all we do here," Giles sighed. "But for this position, we can't have any mistakes."

"Who's making mistakes?" A voice said from the doorway.

Buffy and Giles looked up simultaneously. After a moment, Buffy jumped up from her chair and ran across the room.

"Xander!" She pounced on him, hugging him tight.

"What…whatever are you doing here?" Giles asked. He too had stood and crossed the room to Xander. After a moment's hesitation, Xander hugged him. Giles stiffened for the merest second, then relaxed into the hug, returning it.

"Not happy to see me?" Xander quipped when he stepped out of the hug.

"Of course I am," Giles said indignantly. "You just surprised me."

"Is it at least a good kind of surprised?" Xander smiled.

"I'll let you know," Giles said, returning the smile.

"How long are you here for?" Buffy asked, going to back to her chair.

"Well, that's a funny thing, really," Xander replied, sitting down in front of Giles's desk. "I woke up with this need to be back where I can get a soft bed and running water. I was going to ask the head Watcherguy here if I can stay a bit."

"You wish to stay here in London?" Giles asked, surprised. "What about seeing the world?"

"I saw it. It was dirty." Xander grinned. "Seriously, if you don't mind, I'd like to stay for a while."

"Of course," Giles said. "We have other Watchers in Africa. You have a place to stay?"

"Giles, I just got off a plane two hours ago."

"Oh, right." Giles frowned. "You can stay with me. Buffy is there too, but it shouldn't be too crowded."

"Thanks Giles. I won't overstay my welcome. I kind of want to find my own place if that's okay."

"Of course," Giles agreed. "Until then, you stay with us."

"Cool," Buffy said with a grin. "We get to be roomies."

"Pajama party?" Xander asked, grinning back.

"We can camp in the living room." Buffy said. "We can eat cookie dough and watch movies."

"We don't have any cookie dough," Giles said with a straight face. "You wouldn't let me purchase any. You said it was bad for my health."

"Xander and I can buy some," Buffy replied, hiding her smile.

"And not share?" Giles looked at her over his glasses. "You can be a cruel woman, Buffy."

"Hey, when did the Watcherguy get a sense of humor?" Xander asked.

"Oh, that's not a sense of humor," Buffy said seriously. "He's just tired. It'll pass when he gets some sleep."

She looked at Giles and they both broke out laughing. Xander just looked at them.

"It is good to have you back, Xander," Giles said with a smile.


	3. Chapter 3

"Come on, Giles. It's after five o'clock." Buffy voice was starting to pick up an edge. "If we are going to get Xander back to the flat and still get to the airport to pick up Willow, we have to leave ten minutes ago."

"I'm coming," Giles groused, shrugging on his jacket and picking up his briefcase. "I just had to…"

"Gather up some reports," Buffy finished for him. "Yes, I know. Let's go."

"You two still argue like a married couple," Xander said from just outside the door.

"Excuse me?" Giles asked as he passed Xander.

"You and Buffy always acted like that. Neither one of you is willing to back down and you are so comfortable together that you just say what you think. It not like you guys are mean about it or anything. There was always something kind of cool about watching you two trade barbs." Xander shrugged. "Could just be me."

They caught the tube to the station by Giles's flat as after work traffic made getting a cab unthinkable. Xander looked around as they walked along the canal, admiring the scenery. As they walked up to Giles's front door, Buffy started fussing again.

"We need to catch a cab, right?" she asked as Giles turned his key in the lock.

"It would be prudent, with all the luggage Willow is likely to have," Giles replied.

"After we catch a cab and fight airport traffic, we are going to be late," Buffy asserted as Giles opened the door and she walked in.

"Or, I could be early," Willow said from her place on the couch.

Buffy, Giles, and Xander froze in the doorway, staring at her.

"Um…Surprise?" Willow said with a smile.

"Wil!" Buffy squealed, breaking free of her shock and running across the room to hug her friend. Xander wasn't far behind. Giles stood off to the side of the group hug, looking at Willow.

"Oxygen becoming an issue?" He asked with a smile.

"Just a little," Willow replied. Buffy and Xander let her go and stepped back grinning at her.

Willow looked at Giles gravely for a minute, then crossed the space to hug him. After a second, he returned the hug.

"I missed you, Giles," She said quietly.

"I've missed you too, Willow." After a minute, he broke the hug and looked down at her. "And just how did you get into my flat? You didn't use magic, did you?"

"Close," Willow grinned at him. "I used the key you have in that hollow ceramic turtle in your garden. But hey, it was a lot of work finding it. I had to look under five or six little plaster animals before I got the right one."

"And how did you get into my garden?" Giles asked.

"Hey, the gate was unlocked. All I did was open it."

"Did you lock it the last time it was opened?" Buffy asked Giles, frowning at him.

He furrowed his brow, thinking on it, finally shrugging with a deep sigh.

"I honestly can't remember," he admitted. "I've been a bit distracted lately."

"But no more," Buffy said, walking up to him and touching his arm gently. "We are here and it's all going to be just fine."

"Are you going to tell us what's going on?" Willow asked quietly. "All I got was a vague 'come home' call and I'm a little worried."

Giles looked at the floor, unable to meet Willow's gaze, not wanting to admit his weakness. Buffy gestured to the couch and everyone sat, looking expectantly at her. She reached out and took Giles's hand, squeezing it gently.

"Tell them," she whispered to him.

Giles closed his eyes, his fears overwhelming him. They may have been his friends, but he was their father figure and his admitting that he couldn't handle something, that he was breaking down, wouldn't be easy for them to hear, let alone for him to say. He fully expected their disappointment; he was terrified he would have to face their derision. Taking a breath, he opened his eyes, keeping them on the floor.

"I…Willow I asked you back here to see if you would do me a favor and take over the Wicca corps for me. I know you have a life in South America and I hate to ask this of you, but…" His voice trailed off and he sat, his lips pressed tightly together.

"Giles," Buffy said quietly. "You need to be honest with them. It's this thing where you pretend to be strong and hide what you need that got us here in the first place."

"Well," Willow said, her voice just as quiet as Buffy's. "If we are being honest here, Giles, I knew why you asked me here."

He looked up at her, an eyebrow raised in question.

"I told her," Buffy answered. "As long as we are embracing the honesty thing, I have to admit that I called Willow back yesterday and told her everything."

"Why?" Giles's voice was quiet, but strained.

"I wanted to make sure that she would take the job and I thought she had a right to know what was going on. We are your family, Giles, even if we haven't acted like it lately."

"So you came out of pity?" Giles asked, turning to Willow. His voice was flat and emotionless.

"No Giles." Willow leaned across the couch and put a hand on Giles's leg. "I'm here because I care about you. Alright, I'll admit I'm a bit worried, but pity isn't figuring into this at all."

"Willow, you are thinking of walking away from a life and a girlfriend. I refuse to believe it is simply because you are worried about me."

"Giles…Okay, honesty thing again. I don't have a girlfriend there. Kennedy and I broke up a few months ago. And while I do have a life, you are family. You are more important than what I had there. I want to help you. To be honest, I'm pleased you trust me enough to let me take this position."

Giles looked at her seriously, trying to judge her sincerity. After a moment, he had to admit that all he felt from her was love, tinged with worry. His body relaxed.

"Willow, you've proven yourself over the last couple of years. I will be here to help you if you are willing to help me."

"Did you have any doubts?" Willow smiled at him.

"Is it my turn to be honest?" Xander asked, looking up at Giles.

"You have something to confess?" Giles asked, arching an eyebrow at him.

"Well, when you put it that way…" Xander took a breath and smiled. "I'm here because Willow called me yesterday. She was worried and when she finished talking to me, I was too. Giles, why are you trying to do everything yourself and why didn't you call us?"

"Xander, I didn't wish to burden you…"

"Crap," Xander overrode him. "That is total and utter crap. You and I exchange e-mails every day and you couldn't have mentioned even once that you were drowning over here? You didn't want us to see you as anything less than Super Watcher."

"I didn't want to worry you."

"Worked really well for you, didn't it?" Xander's voice was gentle, despite his words. "Giles, we aren't children any more. We do understand that you are human. It wouldn't destroy us if you called and said that you needed a little help. What worries me more is that we could have gotten a call that you had a heart attack because you overburdened yourself and wouldn't ask for help."

"Xander…" Giles paused. That thought had never occurred to him and now that it had he felt a stirring of unease. "I'm…I'm sure my health is unaffected by this. I'm just…tired. The responsibility of all this is overwhelming some days."

"And it wasn't in Sunnydale?" Xander asked, looking into Giles's eyes.

"Of course it was. But there…" Giles broke off, looking at the floor again.

"But there you had help," Buffy finished for him.

"Yes, but Buffy, it's not as if you lot aren't helping now. Xander was traveling all over Africa doing exactly what I asked him to do."

"Why did you ask me to do it?" Xander inquired.

"Because…" Giles sighed. "Because you asked me if you could do that. So you could see the world."

"So it wasn't exactly what you asked me to do then, was it?" Xander asked.

"What was I going to say?" Giles asked, his voice becoming defensive. "Was I going to tell you that while you wanted to see the world that I needed you to file papers? I couldn't do that to you."

"No, you wouldn't, would you?" Xander smiled at him. "You let me choose what I wanted to do. Well, now I want to help you."

Giles sighed again.

"This is exactly what I was afraid of. You are all feeling sorry for me. I don't want that."

"We don't feel sorry for you," Buffy said, squeezing his hand again. "We love you. When I told you that I was burned out and exhausted, did you feel sorry for me? Is that why you let me go to Italy?"

"Of course not, Buffy, but this is different. You earned some time off."

"And you haven't?"

Giles struggled with it in his mind. Logically, he knew she was right; it wasn't different. But he had never shown weakness, never needed help. It was hard for him to admit to it now. He was terrified they would think less of him and he couldn't bear the thought. He just looked up at Buffy, the anguish in his eyes.

"Giles, we are your family," Buffy said gently. "We love you and we don't think you are weak for needing us. We need you too. In so many ways."

"We always have," Willow added. "You've been everything to us and while we don't say it, we appreciate it. We wouldn't be strong without you."

"We wouldn't be alive without you," Xander said. "So many times you were the one with the answers. You saved us, you helped us. Now, we help you. That's how family works. You taught me that."

Giles looked up at them, seeing only their affection for him in their eyes. He closed his own eyes, breathing deeply and feeling grateful that they were here, that they had come back to him. He had shut himself away, poisoned his own emotions out of sheer childishness and yet, his family had come back to him, pulling him back from his self imposed emotional exile and loving him anyway. He vowed to be worthy of it. Giles opened his eyes and smiled at them.

"Willow, I'll get you set up in your new office in the morning. Thank you for agreeing to take the position. Will you need a place to stay?"

"She can stay in my room with me," Buffy said.

"That works for now," Willow responded with a grin. "But I do want my own place soon."

"I hadn't thought of it before," Giles said thoughtfully. "But the Council owns a few flats about town that you can have. We can call it part of your compensation for taking the job. We can set you up as well, Xander."

"And what job does this compensate me for?" Xander asked.

"Hey," Buffy said, her eyes going wide. "Xander can read reports."

"Yeah, I can read." Xander looked at her oddly.

Giles looked at Buffy as well, his eyes narrowing in thought.

"He always was pretty thorough, wasn't he?" Giles asked, thinking deeply. "And he does ask if he has questions. Buffy, that might not be a bad idea."

"I am sitting here, you know." Xander made a face at them. "What is this idea?"

"I need someone who can read news reports from around the world and pick out the paranormal items for me. There are quite a few of them and in order to fit reading them into my days, I've been going to work at three thirty."

"In the morning?" Willow squeaked. "No wonder you're so tired! Why didn't you get someone else to read them?"

"I couldn't find someone I trusted."

"And you trust me?" Xander looked at Giles, his good eye opening wide.

"You've not let me down yet," Giles replied.

"I'm…Giles, I don't know what to say."

"Say you'll do the job?"

"I'll do the job," Xander said quietly. "And I won't let you down."

Giles smiled at Xander, standing and walking to put a hand on the boy's shoulder.

"It never occurred to me you might. Now, since you all wish to help me, why don't we get to making dinner? Is pasta acceptable?"

"The kind you made in Sunnydale?" Xander asked enthusiastically. "With the chunky vegetables and the chicken?"

"If you will cut the vegetables."

"I'm so there," Xander responded, getting up and following Giles to the kitchen.

"I'll make the noodles," Willow said, also getting up. "I can boil water really well."

"And hey," Buffy added, joining them. "I can do a salad. I promise I won't even burn it."

Giles set them up with pots, bowls, knives, and food. He stepped a bit aside and began to cut chicken, watching as they joked with each other, relaxing and laughing. It was infinitely comforting to see them like this, to know that he was a part of it, if only from the outside.

But he should have known they wouldn't let him stay isolated from them. Buffy brought the bowl she was working with over to stand next to him. As she shredded lettuce she smiled at him.

"Nice to have the family back, isn't it?" She asked quietly.

He returned the smile and nodded. It really was. His thoughts were distracted as a carrot top landed on the counter next to him. He turned to see Xander trying to look innocent.

"Xander," He admonished.

"What? Just cutting veggies here."

"You do not want me throwing what I'm cutting at you, do you?"

Xander grinned unrepentantly at him, but went back to cutting carrots.

As he went back to the chicken, Giles smiled at Buffy again. It was indeed nice to have his family back.

x x x x x x x x x x

The blaring of his alarm clock pulled Giles from his pleasant sleep the next morning. He yawned, lying back on his pillows for a minute. He felt mildly guilty for taking this indulgence, but he pushed it away for better thoughts. He reviewed last night, thinking about the easy camaraderie that had reemerged between himself and the children. The whole thing had gone better than he had envisioned. But then, he'd pictured something pretty apocalyptic. Still, it had gone better than he'd hoped and that was a good thing.

He turned and looked at the clock. It was almost a quarter after six. He should have felt guilty for sleeping so late, but he didn't. What he felt was…relief. That thought surprised him. If he really thought about it, what he felt was a combination of relief and being battered. The latter wasn't a physical sensation; it was the emotional equivalent of feeling bruised all over. He felt like he'd been through a war and was startled when he recognized that the last time he felt like this was right after they had defeated the First. Those first few days he'd felt the heady mix of overwhelming relief to be alive and the driving need for a vacation. At this moment, Tahiti was looking pretty nice.

Giles realized that he'd spent another ten minutes in bed and the time was fast approaching six thirty. He stretched and got out of bed. He was surprised when he noticed that while he was exhausted, he wasn't tired. Maybe it was because this was the latest he'd slept uninterrupted in over a year. Or maybe it was because he didn't have to fight a losing battle by himself anymore. Then again, it could have simply been that he wasn't by himself anymore; that thought alone was enough to relax his permanently stiff shoulders.

He showered and dressed, not feeling the panicky sense of urgency that usually dominated his day. He walked out of his room and was surprised to smell food. He followed it to the kitchen where Willow, Xander, and Buffy were making breakfast. Giles raised an eyebrow when Buffy handed him a plate with pancakes and eggs on it.

"Willow and Xander made them," she said. "I just opened the orange juice."

Giles laughed as he poured syrup over his pancakes.

"Well, I guess I'll be brave and have some juice, if you think it's safe."

"I'll even pour it for you," Buffy said with a grin.

Giles took a bite of pancake and looked up at Willow in surprise.

"These are marvelous," he said.

"Well, I did live on my own for a while, you know," she smiled, putting the last pancake on a plate. "I had to learn to make a few things so I wouldn't starve."

Giles found himself slipping back into the role of Watcher, sitting quietly and watching them banter happily while they ate. There was something enjoyable in just sitting and observing his family. All too soon, seven thirty came around and the group gathered their things and ran off to catch the tube to the office.

x x x x x x x x x x

Giles put a hand to his forehead, sighing deeply and feeling the first stirrings of a headache. He frowned as he noticed that he was once again tired and he turned to look at his clock. He shook his head when he saw that it was after noon. Half his day was already gone.

He'd spent the morning getting Willow and Xander set up in their offices. After a quick set of instructions that included Giles reading him an example, Xander felt confident enough to get right to work. Willow had needed to meet her staff and get a list of her duties. Giles was a bit worried, but she'd smiled reassuringly at him and stepped right into the job.

Giles had then proceeded to endure four meetings with various department heads. They had been long and tedious and had frequently included the phrase, "preventative apocalypse planning." Giles wasn't even sure what that meant and briefly wondered who had started it.

He put aside the paper he'd just finished, rather proud of himself for having planned out the next year's worth of goals for the Watchers in North Asia. It had taken over two hours, but he felt better for having gotten it done. He looked at a stack of reports that was sitting on the edge of his desk and turned away. He was overcome with a sudden wave of guilt. When had he become so lazy? No, reading those reports was not fun, but it was his job. Sighing, he picked up the one on top and began to read the results of last month's Slayer hunting in the Ukraine.

He'd only gotten four mind numbing paragraphs into it when the door opened and Buffy, Xander, and Willow walked in, talking together and laughing. They had sandwiches and Giles suddenly realized that he was starving. Buffy pulled a chair over next to Giles and flopped into it. She handed him a sandwich and leaned over to see what he was reading.

"What is that thing?" Buffy asked.

"It's supposed to be a summary of the Ukrainian Slayer search, but as quickly as my brain turned off, I can't prove it."

"Boring?" Buffy asked with a grin.

"That would actually be an improvement." Giles shook his head.

"It can't be that bad," Buffy said. "Hand it here."

Giles handed it to her and turned to Willow and Xander.

"And how are things for the two of you so far?" He asked before taking a bite of his sandwich.

"I'm actually feeling pretty good about my job," Xander answered. "The way you were talking I was expecting this to be overwhelming. Okay, I have to pay attention, but it's not much harder than all that detailed research in Sunnydale."

"Yes, well, try doing that while running three departments and taking meetings," Giles replied defensively.

"Hey, I wasn't putting down the Watcherguy," Xander said, putting a hand up to stop Giles. "This is going to be a full time job if I do it right. I don't know how you found time to sleep when you did it with everything else. No complaints here, G-man. I was just telling you that I'm pretty sure I can do this."

"I'm sorry," Giles said quietly, looking down. "I guess I'm still a little…"

"Insecure?" Willow finished for him.

"I was going to say overwhelmed, but your word works just as well. I am glad this is working out so well. I feel better knowing that someone else is weeding through all those news reports. And Willow, how was your morning?"

"It was good. I've got some good people working for me, so I think I'll be all right. Wow that sounds weird. Working for me. I've never been the boss before."

"You'll be fine, Willow," Giles said, smiling at her. "I have every confidence in you."

Buffy looked up from the paper she was reading.

"I stand corrected," she said, shaking her head.

"That bad?" Xander asked.

"He took three pages to say, 'We found four girls. One is too young and we will keep tabs on her, the other three are on their way to you.' And I didn't even know peripatetic was a word."

"Sounds like an illness," Xander quipped.

"Why couldn't the guy just say 'did a lot of walking'?" Buffy once again shook her head.

Xander reached over and picked up another report and began skimming it.

"I think I have you beat," He said. "Two whole pages to say, 'nope, no girls in this part of Greenland.' And yeah, a lot of big stuffy words."

"Two pages to say no luck?" Buffy looked at Giles. "You need to have a class, 'non boring writing for Watchers' or something."

Xander laughed.

"Nope. Not possible. Look up Watcher in the dictionary and you'll find pompous in the definition."

Giles relaxed and smiled. It was nice to have this back in his life again.

Willow reached over to the desk and picked up a pad of paper and a pen. After scribbling for a minute she handed it to Giles.

"Here, now you don't have to read those two reports."

Giles looked at the paper and burst out laughing.

"Ukraine 2, Greenland 0," he read out loud. "It sounds like a sports score."

Buffy held up another report that she'd been skimming.

"Add East Timor," she said. "Three girls too young, one too old, and two on their way. And it took six pages to say that. Well, that and the detailed description of his lunch."

Willow laughed, reaching over the desk to take the paper from Giles and adding the information. Giles sat back in his chair and watched them tease as they read over reports. He became aware that the tired feeling was gone again and wondered about it, but not for long. When Xander grew bored with the reports, he pulled a piece of paper from Giles's recycling bin and balled it up. After a second, he tossed it to Giles.

"Bat it back to me, G-man."

Before Giles could talk himself out of it, he swatted the paper ball back at Xander, who returned it easily, for a man with no real depth perception. For the next couple of minutes, Giles and Xander continued their impromptu game of paper volleyball while Willow and Buffy skimmed through reports, laughing at the wording the Watchers used.

Giles might have even let himself lose track of the time if the door hadn't opened right then and his secretary hadn't walked in. She stopped just inside the door, her eyes wide as Giles batted the paper ball at Xander, who missed it.

"Oh! Score one for the Watcher!" Xander yelled, leaning over and picking up the paper while Giles chuckled.

Giles looked up to see Margaret staring at him and his face immediately went serious.

"Um…yes, Margaret, what can I do for you?" He knew he was blushing and he looked down at his desk.

"I just wanted to remind you about your afternoon meeting with Mr. Whydamire and to give you your mail." She crossed the room and put the mail on his desk. She stood there for a moment and Giles had to fight to look up and meet her gaze.

"Yes…thank you, Margaret." He was still blushing; he could feel it.

She smiled at him.

"I'll leave you to the rest of your lunch hour," she said, walking back to the door. She stopped and turned to face him. "I believe the score was one to nothing, your favor."

Xander started laughing as she closed the door behind her and Giles just smiled, feeling the tension ease out of him.

Ten minutes later, Xander and Willow left to go back to work. Giles knew he should get back to his reports, but Buffy was still sitting next to him.

"Is there something I can do for you?" He asked.

"Nah." She leaned over and rested her head on his shoulder. "I just wanted to enjoy a couple minutes of Watcher time."

"Buffy, you live in my flat with me. Don't you see enough of me?"

"Well," she pouted. "I have to share you now."

She reached out and took his hand. Giles gently squeezed her hand, leaning back slightly and allowing his body to relax. As they sat quietly his thoughts began to drift and he found himself wondering if she would object to him holding her. That was quickly followed by a very visual image of kissing her and Giles went into full panic mode, sitting up abruptly, pulling his hand from hers and moving his chair away.

"Did I…did I do something wrong?" Buffy asked, her eyes filled with worry.

"No, not at all, Buffy." Giles felt himself trembling and prayed she couldn't see it. "I guess…well, I'm just not as over being exhausted as I thought. I really need to get back to these reports."

He knew his voice sounded brisk, harsh even, but he couldn't help it. His thoughts were spinning and he was trying desperately to reign in his alarm.

"Are you sure you aren't upset with me?" Buffy asked.

"Not even a little bit, Buffy." He took a deep breath. "I just…I just felt a second of panic there. I'm fine now. Just a little tired I suppose."

Buffy leaned over and grabbed the arm of his chair, pulling it to her. She reached out and took his hand again and he fought the urge to pull it away.

"You need to relax," she said gently. "You are so tightly wound that you're shaking. Hey, maybe tonight I'll give you a backrub. That might help. Sound good?"

Giles could only stare at her. Did it sound good? It sounded good enough that his body was starting to react to the thought and his panic levels went up another notch. He realized vaguely that he was nodding at her. She smiled at him and squeezed his hand again.

"I've got to get back to the Slayers, but I'll see you this evening. And don't you work too hard." She kissed the top of his head and walked out, leaving Giles to stare after her.

He was in trouble and he knew it. This went far beyond feeling a slight attraction to her. He was picturing kissing her and his body was reacting in ways he could only hope she hadn't seen. With a sinking feeling, he realized that he was right back where he'd been five years ago. How had he let this happen?

He shook his head, picking up a report and staring at it, not seeing the words. He would fight this. He couldn't go through it again. Five years ago, the fact that she didn't return the feelings he had for her had hurt; now, it might just break him.

x x x x x x x x x x

Buffy sat in the back of the Council car, lost in thought. In all honesty, she was worrying about Giles. Over the last twenty four hours she had watched the walls he'd built around himself fall as he relaxed into being with Willow, Xander, and her. Today at lunch he'd even played with Xander, the smile on his face making him look years younger. He seemed to enjoy sitting there with her head on his shoulder and then suddenly he was pulling away. She'd looked at his face and what she'd seen was blind panic. This wasn't good.

She wondered if she might have had something to do with it. She'd been a bit tactile with him, but she couldn't help it. She had needed to be near him, to feel the reality of him. She hadn't said anything, but her morning with the Slayers had made her feel a vague need for him, for his presence. All these girls were struggling to learn what it was to be a Slayer, to face the insecurity of knowing they were different, and they had to do it alone. Buffy and Rachael could guide them, but it wasn't the same as having a Watcher.

Buffy hadn't realized how lucky she was to have Giles. If she'd had to do it on her own like these girls, she wouldn't have made it. She might have resented Giles at the time, but now, comparing it to the dorm life these girls were living, Buffy was grateful for him. He had always been there for her, listening to her problems, training her, going so far as to fight beside her and to even help her study for tests. He'd made her feel cared for, valued for her abilities, and watched over.

She wanted him to know how she felt, but she couldn't bring herself to say it. She'd never been good with words. She'd tried to show him how much she appreciated him, but she had the feeling that it might have led to his twitch fest. She really should have thought about it. All week long he'd been pulling away from her when she touched him. He was just starting to get comfortable holding her hand and she'd overwhelmed him with the snuggly thing. She'd just have to remember to take it slower.

x x x x x x x x x x

Giles furrowed his brow. This report wasn't making any sense. He took a deep breath and started at the beginning again. He was halfway through it, not understanding it any better, when the phone on his desk buzzed. He absently reached out, turning the speaker phone on.

"Yes?"

"Mr. Giles, your five o'clock appointment is here."

"Thank you. Send him in."

"Boy you do need a break if you are calling me a him," Buffy said with a grin, walking in as if she owned his office, or more disturbingly yet, as if she owned him.

"Buffy, I have a meeting right now." Giles said, looking back at the paper to avoid looking at her,

"Yes, with me." Buffy replied, smiling. "I wrote myself on your schedule from now until eight am Monday morning. So, why don't we move this meeting home?"

"You...meeting...home?" Giles felt stupid, but his brain wouldn't give him anymore.

"Yes." She smiled gently, her next words said slowly. "You. Me. Willow. Xander. Your place. Food?"

"Buffy..." He was completely nonplussed, having no idea how to handle this situation. But, his brain was in full work mode, so his never ending list came to the rescue. "I have quite a few things to do before I can leave. You go on ahead."

"No, I don't think so. What is so important that you are staying late?"

"I just have work." He knew it sounded defensive, but he couldn't even look at her.

"Like what? What could be so important that you are going to backslide into over working Watcher again?"

"I...There are Slayer training reports and a requisition stack almost as tall as you." It was true, but it was also an excuse. He felt bad about it, but he needed to make this time away from her.

"And this can't wait?" He could see the worry in her eyes.

"Buffy..."

"What? What is so important that you want to go back to the way you were?"

"I'm…Buffy, if I remove myself from the day to day operations of Slaying, how am I better than Travers?" He knew how flimsy it sounded.

"Giles, you were out in the game for so long that you aren't going to forget."

"He was once a Watcher too, you know. I'm sorry, Buffy, but I have to..."

"You have to come home with me. It's Friday night. Willow, Xander, and I were planning on playing and you are part of those plans. Oh! And tomorrow, we want to go on a picnic. Sound good?"

"I have to work tomorrow, Buffy." He felt terrible saying it and worse about the tone of voice he was using. It sounded as if he didn't care.

"It's Saturday, Giles. No one else is here." Buffy was starting to sound irritated.

"There is a whole emergency shift here." Giles said with a smile. "Otherwise Evil would know to attack on the weekend."

"Yes, but you aren't a part of that shift." Buffy responded.

He looked at her for a moment, and then looked at the floor.

"Giles! You can't work every single shift!"

"I hadn't thought of it before now, but I am scheduled to work every weekend."

"Not anymore," Buffy insisted. She looked at him. "What's wrong?"

"It's…I'm just…" He couldn't even think up a decent excuse for why he was on edge. He looked at Buffy, seeing the worry and frustration. He wondered if he could deal with it as he did five years ago, just living with the knowledge that she would never be his. He furrowed his brow. It wasn't like he had much choice. If he kept visibly pulling away like this she was going to force a confession out of him. He sighed. "I'm sorry, Buffy. You're right. Let's go home."

She blinked, surprised by his capitulation. She watched him as he gathered his things. When he walked to the door she reached out and took his hand. He walked with her to the elevators, not trusting himself to say anything. He would deal with this, just as he always did. The ride to the ground floor was a silent one as Giles lost himself in his thoughts, gathering his emotions close to him.

They stepped into the lobby to see Willow and Xander waiting for them. Willow looked at his face and arched an eyebrow at him. He ignored her, opening the glass doors and walking into the cool evening air.


	4. Chapter 4

Giles didn't say a word on the ride home. He felt their eyes on him and he knew they were worried about him, but he was too lost in his own thoughts to worry about his companions' reactions. He closed his eyes and arguments chased each other around his brain. He could try to push these thoughts away, but it seemed they had a mind of their own. He could tell her about his feelings, but he knew how that would end and having just gotten her back into his life, he wasn't willing to risk that.

When the train came to a stop at their station, Giles walked from the car without looking behind him; he knew they were following him, just as he knew there would be questions when they got home. He walked along the canal, looking at the ground, still thinking. Or rather still rehashing the same thoughts, becoming convinced that there was no solution.

He opened the door to his flat, turning on the light and walking towards the hall. If he was fast enough, maybe they wouldn't try to stop him.

"Freeze, Giles," Buffy said, her voice harsh.

He turned and looked at her, not saying anything.

"Are you going to talk or do we have to drag it out of you?"

"What's going on?" Willow asked.

"That's what I'd like to know," Buffy replied. "We were just talking in his office, well, arguing really. He was going to work over the weekend. I told him that was a bad idea and he suddenly went all broody and quiet."

"Giles?" Willow asked gently.

Giles brought a hand up to his forehead, dragging his fingers across in an effort to reign in his headache. He looked up at Willow.

"I know I've been quiet. I'm tired and I have a slight headache. Would you mind if I took a few minutes alone?"

They all looked at him. After a minute, Xander stepped forward.

"You go rest. I'll pick up dinner. Would pizza work for everyone?"

Giles visibly relaxed. He took out his wallet and gave Xander money.

"Pizza would be nice. You might want to rent a movie as well." He turned to go to his room and stopped. "I'm sorry. I was quite rude on the way home. I have quite a few things on my mind."

"Just relax, G-man. We've got things here. We'll yell when the food is here."

Giles nodded and went off to his room. He sat on the bed for a minute, contemplating a nap, but decided a shower might actually be better. He locked his bedroom door and pulled the latch on the bathroom door that connected it to Buffy's room.

The water was hot as it dug into his muscles and it felt wonderful. He closed his eyes and just stood, soaking in the spray. He tilted his head back, letting the water run down over his face and he forced his body to relax. After a few minutes, his thoughts began to swirl around again. Giles sighed, pouring shampoo onto his hand and working it through his hair. He took his time, the tips of his fingers slowly massaging his skull. It actually helped his headache a bit.

As his thoughts began to take over again, Giles made a decision. He was tired and this was pointless. He was going to drive himself crazy and there really wasn't an answer. He was now convinced that five years ago, he hadn't stopped loving Buffy. He'd learned to live with the feelings, he'd buried them under other concerns, but over the last five years, he'd loved her all along. Now that he was letting his emotional barriers down and Buffy was here, those feelings were back at full strength. He couldn't banish them and he couldn't embrace them. He'd learned to live around them once, he could do it again.

But not tonight. He was emotionally exhausted and it would just have to wait. Tonight, for the rest of the weekend really, he would relax and enjoy his friends. He would take whatever came his way and deal with it as he had to and on Monday he would tackle fighting his emotions.

Having made that decision, he relaxed again and enjoyed his shower.

x x x x x x x x x x

In the living room, Buffy, Xander, and Willow sat on the couch, worried looks on their faces.

"What do you think this is all about?" Willow asked. She was nervously twirling her hair around her fingers.

"I think he's tired," Xander said simply. "That's why we all came home, right? We weren't really thinking he'd be back to our Giles over night, were we?"

"I was kind of hoping," Willow replied with a sigh. "He seemed so happy to see us and it seemed like he was better."

"Wil, it's not like he had the flu or a stroke," Xander said. "For a year now he's been fighting not to go under. He's tired. We need to give him time."

"It wasn't like that," Buffy interrupted.

"It wasn't like what?" Xander turned to look at her.

"It wasn't like he was tired. Willow's right. He seems calmer just because we are here. What happened tonight was different."

"How so?"

"I'm not sure. We were talking, and then he drew into himself."

"There isn't anything we can do until we figure it out," Xander said, standing up. "We'll just keep an eye on him. Anyone want to come with me to get the pizza?"

"Why not?" Buffy responded, pulling on her coat and following him to the door.

"I'll stay here and keep an eye on Giles," Willow said.

"We'll be back soon," Xander said as he and Buffy walked out the door.

x x x x x x x x x x

Giles had finished his shower and was now deciding on clothes. He opted to dress casually, choosing jeans and a green t-shirt. He dressed and walked out into the living room, noting that Willow was the only one there. She looked up at him, her eyebrow raising as she took in how he was dressed. Without saying anything, he sat on the couch next to her. After a minute, he looked at her.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I was rude and it was inexcusable."

"Giles, we weren't offended," she replied with a smile. "We were worried. You seemed to be relaxing and then you were all tense again."

"I had a few things on my mind," he said quietly.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not in the least."

She looked at him, both eyebrows going up this time. He smiled.

"It's nothing to worry about. I'm not even going to give it a thought tonight." That sounded good; too bad he knew it wouldn't work out that way.

Willow took his hand.

"If you change your mind, just let me know. I'd be happy to listen."

"Thank you Willow."

It was about twenty minutes later when Buffy and Xander returned. They had two large pizza boxes and some sodas that they had picked up with the movie. Everyone settled in and Xander started the movie, which turned out to be a poorly made horror movie.

Giles relaxed, enjoying his pizza and the company. The movie was worse than he thought it would be and before long, Xander and Buffy were making jokes.

"Why is the door sparkling?" Willow asked.

"It's a magic door," Buffy responded.

"Oh hey!" Xander interjected. "That guy is trying to get through the magic door. How did he get through the magic door?"

"He used his magic axe," Giles replied without missing a beat.

"Score one for the Watcherguy!" Xander laughed.

It wasn't long before Xander and Giles were bantering back and forth, each topping the other for outrageous comments. Buffy and Willow sat back laughing and looking at Giles strangely. Giles enjoyed himself immensely. If one had to watch a boring movie, one ought to have fun with it. By the time the movie came to an end, Giles and Xander had replaced the dialogue with their own, Xander voicing the teenage protagonists while Giles supplied the lines for the evil doers, going so far as to do sound effects for the grisly death scene.

"Now that was a great movie," Xander said, grinning. He seemed pleased to have a new playmate. "It's only nine thirty. What do we do now?"

"Well, that depends on what you lot are in the mood for," Giles replied.

"I don't know, but something fun. Have any ideas, big guy," Xander said.

"If you don't mind sitting through another movie, there is a midnight showing of Rosemary's Baby. It's an audience participation show."

"What does that mean?" Buffy asked. "Is that like the Rocky Horror thing?"

"Yes, exactly. I would have suggested Rocky Horror, but none of us have costumes," He paused, looking thoughtful. We might have to do that at another time."

"Are you kidding?" Xander asked, his eyes widening.

"Not at all," Giles said, smiling. "Ethan and I enjoyed it very much. I haven't been in years. It might be nice."

"I have to ask," Willow said, grinning. "Who do you go as?"

Giles blushed, looking down. He mumbled something none of them heard. After a minute, he looked up, his face very red.

"I usually dressed as Frank."

"Are you kidding?" Willow exclaimed, her eyes wide.

"Which one is that?" Buffy asked.

"The guy who wears the black lace teddy." Willow replied, looking at him and shaking her head. "And the fishnets."

"No way!" Buffy said, looking at him. "You wore women's clothes?"

"In my defense, it did suit the occasion," Giles said. After a minute he smiled at them. "And it was a lot of fun."

Buffy looked at him standing there, his hair mused and that boyish grin on his face and was surprised that she could easily picture him dressed that way. And stranger still, it didn't bother her. She suddenly remembered what he looked like bare chested, wearing only a towel, and she felt a rush of heat.

"Well, it's not like you don't have the body for it," she said before she really thought it through.

"He has the body for wearing women's clothes?" Xander asked, arching an eyebrow.

"No, that's not what I…" Buffy paused, feeling herself blush. "I just…it's…I meant that he has the body for wearing skimpy stuff and wow, that sounded less disturbing in my head."

Now they were all looking at her oddly and she shook her head, feeling the blush deepen.

"Nevermind. So, movie then?"

"Nice segue," Xander said in a stage whisper, leaning over to her. With a smile he turned to the others. "I'm game."

x x x x x x x x x x

They caught the tube to a fashionable theater in an arts district, not too far from Giles's flat. They were all given bags with props in them. Buffy examined hers as they found seats close to the middle aisle. She settled in next to Giles and began rummaging though her bag.

"How do we know when to use this stuff?" she asked, holding up a tiny pom pom.

"There's a paper with instructions," Giles said, pulling his out. "See? It tells you what to use at what time."

"Oh, I see," Buffy said, frowning at the list. "But how will I know when this stuff comes up?"

"That you have to know the movie for," he replied with a smile.

"But I've never seen it."

"I've seen it quite a few times," he replied reassuringly. "It was a favourite of mine when I was at Oxford. I'll help you know when something is coming up."

"Advising me again?" she asked with a grin.

"Well, I am still your Watcher," he replied, his eyes sparkling. "It's my job."

Buffy looked at him seriously, reaching out to take his hand.

"I was kind of hoping it was more along the lines of friendship, not duty."

He looked at Buffy, his eyes searching hers. After a minute he squeezed her hand.

"It is," he said, his voice deep with emotion. "You know you've always been more than an obligation."

Buffy looked away, tears blurring her vision and she felt swept under by a wave of pure emotion. It took her a second to realize that what she was feeling was love. She had admitted to loving him as a friend since the night he saved her from Amy's mom, but this felt different. It was stronger, deeper and it led to thoughts that were more friendly than they ought to be. She blinked as she realized she was thinking about how strong and soft his hand felt holding hers, wondering what it would feel like to have him running his hands along her body. She swallowed hard, taking her hand from his.

"Buffy?" She turned to see him watching her with concern. "Did I say something wrong?"

"No, not at all." She forced a smile. "Just thinking. Sorry."

"Would you like to talk about it?" he asked quietly.

"There's nothing to talk about," she said. "So, when do I use this first thing?"

x x x x x x x x x x

Rupert yawned as he changed out of his clothes. He looked at the clock on his bedside table and smiled. It had been a while since he'd been out until 3am for a reason that didn't involve demons or bloody death.

He slipped between the covers wearing only his boxers, relishing the coolness of his sheets against his skin. He closed his eyes, but his mind refused to stop running in circles, going over every moment of his night.

He hadn't been sure they would all enjoy the movie, but it seemed to have been a success. He admitted to himself that he might be holding this view because he had sat next to Buffy. He'd helped her with her props, telling her a few minutes ahead of time when each would be needed and was gratified each time when she smiled her thanks at him. It had been almost perfect. There had been a few times that he'd caught her staring at him, an oddly thoughtful expression on her face, but she'd smiled and told him it was nothing.

After the movie, they'd all gone out for food and Rupert was only slightly ashamed that he'd eaten as much as Xander. It had been relaxed and fun and just what he needed to take his mind off everything. And yet, he couldn't run from his emotions forever and here he was, in the dark, trying desperately not to wonder what all this meant. Why couldn't things be easier? Why couldn't he love someone more attainable? Or at the very least, why couldn't he bury his feelings for her as he had last time?

He sighed, turning over onto his side. It wasn't as if he really had a choice. She might have relaxed around him and she might even view him as a friend, but it would never go beyond that and he had to accept it. She would always see him as old, a father figure, and he would always be left with this desperate, empty yearning for what he could never have.

He took a deep breath, calming himself. He needed to sleep and brooding wasn't helping him at all. He forced his thoughts to something else, a book that he'd been reading, trying to lose himself in the plot, an adventure story of a knight and his lady. Yes, that would calm him down. As he felt himself drifting off he wondered if he should be concerned that his mind was picturing Buffy in the role of the fair maiden.

x x x x x x x x x x

Buffy came out of the bathroom to find Willow sitting on the edge of the bed brushing her hair.

"You know, I never asked. I hope you don't mind that I took the left side," Willow said, putting the brush on the nightstand.

"Hey, as long as you don't hog the covers, I'm good." Buffy crossed the room and got into bed, sitting up and smiling at Willow. "You know, it's good to have the gang back together."

"Buffy, we've been together for a few days now," Willow said, smiling at her.

"Yeah, but this was different. This wasn't us working in an office. We actually had fun. It was nice."

"It was good to relax together." Willow settled into her side of the bed, pulling the covers up. "And I think it was just what Giles needed. He looked a lot less stressed when he went to bed."

"Well, two plates of fries will do that to you," Buffy said with a grin.

"It was kind of funny to see Giles acting so much like Xander, wasn't it?" Willow laughed.

"I thought it was kind of cute," Buffy replied, still smiling. "He was just so laid back tonight, so boyish. It was a little bit…"

"A little bit what, Buffy?" Willow asked, turning to look at her.

"Nothing," Buffy murmured, looking down at the comforter and picking at its edges. She couldn't believe what she'd been about to say.

"Come on Buf, you know we don't have secrets. Spill it. Giles was a little bit what?"

Buffy felt herself blushing. She knew that she could insert any random adjective and Willow would likely accept it and she was actually on the verge of telling her that she thought Giles was cool. But a part of her really wanted her friend's honest opinion and the only way to get it was to be honest herself. She took a deep breath and looked at Willow.

"That he was…a little bit…sexy." Buffy braced for Willow's shock, but it never came.

"Yeah, I can understand that."

"You can?" Buffy blinked. "But…he's Giles and you're gay!"

"I'm gay, but I'm not blind," Willow said, laughing. "Giles is one amazing guy."

"Yeah, but he's older and…" Buffy paused, thinking her way through what she'd been about to say. He was older, but he wasn't old. And she'd stopped before she'd said he was stuffy library guy, because he really wasn't. She'd teased him about that in their years in Sunnydale, but even then she'd known that while he could research with the best of them, he could also handle weapons like a pro and physically keep up with a Slayer. "I guess…Wil, am I crazy?"

"Well, I've thought so a couple of times, but it turned out that you were possessed, so no, I'd say not. Why?"

"It's just…when did Giles get so sexy?"

"He always was," Willow said with a smile.

"How did I miss it?"

"Well, you were a bit caught up in keeping the world from suffering a fiery death. And I think he worked extra hard so that we never saw that side of him. It was easier for all of us to follow him if we saw him as the Watcher, not a guy."

"I'm seeing it now and it's kind of worrying me," Buffy said with a sigh. "I mean, I'm noticing his sexy butt and that's got to be wrong."

"Why?"

"I'm sorry?" Buffy furrowed her brow, looking at Willow oddly.

"Why is it a bad thing? Giles is a great guy and I actually think the two of you would make a good couple."

"A good couple of what? Wil, Giles is my Watcher and my teacher and it doesn't matter how sexy I think his chest is, I'm thinking he's not going to want to let me explore it. He sees me like a daughter and I think I'm breaking some kind of Slayer code in seeing past his tweed."

"Buffy, Giles is a man, like any other, and he is completely devoted to you. I'm not sure if he sees you as a daughter or not, but if I were you, I'd find out, because if there's any chance that he feels the same, it would be amazing."

"Maybe I'll think about it," Buffy said, snuggling under the covers. "Thanks for listening, Wil."

"Any time, Buffy."

Buffy reached over and turned out the light, but sleep wasn't fast in coming. Her thoughts chased each other around in her head and they all centered on one thing; Giles. She thought about his smile, his laugh, the single mindedness with which he studied, his devotion to her, his green eyes. She found herself dwelling on his sexy chest, the lines of his throat, his amazing jawline. She smiled as she drifted off to sleep.

"Did you find anything interesting?" Buffy asked, sitting next to Giles on the couch.

"Hmm?" He looked up from the book he was reading.

"Interesting? Anything?"

"Not really," he said, putting the book aside. "But that could be because I had other things on my mind."

"What could possibly be more interesting than old guys rambling about demon rituals?" Buffy asked teasingly as she leaned closer to him.

"I'm sure I could think of a few things," Giles replied, his voice low and heavy with meaning.

He leaned over, bringing a hand to brush the hair from her face. Before she could say anything, he bent to kiss her, capturing her mouth with his. He started out gently, but she could feel his need rising as she parted her lips and his tongue swept in. She shifted her position, climbing into his lap and wrapping her arms around him. He groaned into her mouth as she rocked against him and she felt fire in her blood. She was about to suggest they move this to his bed when she heard a noise behind her. She broke the kiss and turned.

She gasped when she found herself standing in that same dark room. She whirled around, but Giles and the couch they had been on were gone and with a sinking feeling, she knew that when she turned she would see him, dead on the floor. She felt her body tremble as she looked down and her heart constricted when she saw him. This couldn't be happening, not now, not when they were finally happy together. She knelt beside him, touching his face as tears streamed from her eyes. Not now! Not when she was finally able to tell him how she felt.

She was about to take his hand when she heard that noise behind her. She jumped to her feet, whirling around, expecting to wake up and was startled when she came face to face with herself. She felt the air freeze in her lungs and she backed up a step.

"No, this can't be. It's not me. I would never hurt Giles." She realized that she was shaking her head and she drew in a breath to steady herself. "I'm not going to hurt him."

The other Buffy looked at her sadly.

"You are the only one who can."

"No. I...I care about him. I won't hurt him." Buffy felt defensive. How dare this imposter accuse her of killing Giles. She took a step forward, intending to slay this demon or whatever it was, but stopped when it spoke again.

"You love him and you are the only one who can hurt him this badly. You can believe me or not, but the truth is the only one who can break him is you." She tipped her head and looked at Buffy, then silently turned and walked away.

Buffy looked down at Giles, her vision blurred by the tears running down her face. She had done this, just as she had broken Riley and Angel. And now she had killed a good man who deserved so much better. She knelt beside him, reaching out to stroke his face and then she was sitting up in bed gasping and crying.

She swallowed hard, pulling in a breath and trying to calm herself. It was only a dream. Giles was alive and fine in the next room. She hadn't killed him. As details from the dream filtered back to her, she blinked. What was it she had said to herself? That she loved him? She loved Giles?

She frowned, searching her heart for the truth. Did she love him, really love him? Maybe she always had. If she really looked at it, she knew she'd loved him for years. That was really why she ran to Italy in the first place. Yes, she had been tired, but she could have relaxed in London; Giles would have let her. But working that closely with him, things got confusing and, as usual, she ran.

It had started when she walked into Giles's apartment her freshman year of college and saw him with Olivia. She hadn't really thought why, but that hurt her so much that she never wanted to feel it again. She put a distance between them and over the years, whenever she would start to think about him that way, she would hide from him. She would distract herself with another man. It was her way of proving to herself that she neither needed nor wanted Giles. And tonight, when she relaxed with Giles, it all came back. How could she pretend her feelings weren't there anymore?

Maybe it was time to stop running. Maybe she should just go into his room and tell him how she felt, see if he could feel the same. If he did, then they could be together. She smiled at the thought, but felt the smile freeze on her face as a wave of panic swept through her. She had broken every man she'd ever loved. How could she think this was different? And really, hadn't he suffered enough because of her? Her carelessness and lack of thought for anyone but herself had put him in danger more times than she wanted to think about. And now she was thinking of becoming his girlfriend? How selfish could she be? She wouldn't do this to him; she couldn't.

She sat in bed thinking, wondering how she was going to deal with this. Now that she knew how much she loved him, how could she pretend that she didn't? Every day when she saw him her heart would break a bit more. And he wasn't a stupid man. He would know that something was wrong. No, there was only one thing that she could do. She felt her eyes sting as the tears welled up. This wasn't what she wanted, but it was the only way.

x x x x x x x x x x

Willow blinked against the light, her mind muddled with sleep as she tried to get her bearings. She was in a bed at Giles's house and she had been sleeping. Now the light was on and someone was rushing about the room. She blinked again, focusing.

"Buffy? What are you doing? It's the middle of the night!"

"Actually, it's about 5:30, Wil. Go back to sleep."

"Okay, but…" She looked at the open suitcase on the bed, watching as Buffy threw clothes in. "Can your packing wait until the sun comes up?"

"Everyone will be up then."

"Exactly why it would be a better time to do this."

"No, I need to be gone before he gets up."

"Huh?" Willow knew she was still sleepy and a bit slow, but that made no sense.

"I can't hurt him like that."

"Okay Buffy, I need more words here," Willow said in frustration.

"Giles. I can't hurt him anymore." She hadn't slowed her packing frenzy and the last words came from the bathroom. Willow sighed and got out of bed, standing in the doorway and watching Buffy pack her shampoo.

"Buffy what are you talking about? How could you hurt Giles?" she asked with some exasperation.

"Because…because I love him, Wil."

"I'm going to guess you don't mean like I love him."

"No. And if I love him, I'll hurt him."

"Buffy, you…"

"No, Wil. I can't. Please. Don't tell him." She closed her suitcase and stood on her side of the bed, her eyes pleading with her best friend.

"Buffy, you know this is silly, right?

"I just can't do it to him. Please, Willow."

"What do I say when he finds you gone?" Willow asked gently.

"Tell him I felt the need to go back to Italy. You don't have to tell him why. I think it's better that he doesn't know."

"Buffy, please, think this through."

"I have. Thanks, Wil." Buffy picked up her suitcase and headed for the door. "I'll call you when I get there."

Willow watched her leave, standing in shock. She considered waking up Giles and Xander, but decided against it. What good would an ugly scene do? When Buffy made up her mind, she wasn't likely to change it. Willow just hoped she knew what she was doing.

x x x x x x x x x x

Giles was still tired when he got up, but less than five hours sleep had a way of doing that. He considered sleeping later, after all, it was Sunday, but his habits won out and it wasn't long after eight o'clock that he was walking into the kitchen for breakfast.

He was surprised to see that Willow and Xander were already there. They were sitting at the table, their heads together, whispering.

"Good morning," Giles said, smiling at them. He was turning towards the cupboards to get a juice glass, but stopped as his mind registered their concerned expressions. "Is something wrong?"

When they didn't respond, he turned to face them.

"I asked if something was wrong," Giles said quietly.

Willow looked down at her hands and Giles felt the first stirrings of panic.

"It's Buffy," Xander replied, not looking up.

Giles swallowed the fear that threatened to drown him.

"Is she all right?" He asked, hearing the edge to his voice and not caring. "She's not ill, is she?"

"She's gone," Willow said, her voice just above a whisper. "She went back to Italy."

Giles blinked, his mind assessing the situation. He was hurt, but not really surprised. After all, what was there really to keep her here? He couldn't expect her to waste her life taking care of an old man. As much as the truth hurt, he would just have to live with it. He told himself that he would not break down in front of Willow and Xander and was considering going back to bed when Xander's voice cut through his pain.

"Wil, he has a right to know."

The phrase struck Giles as strange and he turned to face them.

"Know what?" he asked, his brow furrowed. Willow bit her lip and looked away from him. "Willow?"

"Giles, Buffy left because…" She broke off, struggling with what she wanted to say. Xander sighed, looking up at Giles.

"She left because she loves you."

Giles froze, tipping his head to stare at them. He drew in even breaths, his mind and heart shrieking at him. After a minute he took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry Xander. I must be experiencing your hysterical deafness. I'm hearing the words but they aren't making sense."

"Giles, Buffy loves you." Willow said, her eyes filled with tears.

"That's absurd," Giles said, his voice extremely calm. "She's never looked at me in that fashion. And if she did, why would she leave?"

"She's scared," Willow said, looking back at her hands. "She doesn't want to hurt you."

Giles stood there, his mind racing. It sounded crazy, but it was such a Buffy way to look at things. He thought about her recent behavior and had to admit that if she did indeed feel this way for him, running was exactly what she would do.

"When did she leave?" he asked, suddenly looking up.

"About three hours ago." Willow said, quietly.

Giles ran out of the room and came back with shoes on, keys in hand.

"Where are you going?" Willow asked, her eyes wide.

"To stop her," Giles replied. He looked at them seriously. "She needs to know how I feel, what I am willing to do to keep her here with me. She needs to know that I love her too."

He turned and ran from the room, leaving Willow and Xander staring after him. As he hailed a cab, he prayed that he would make it on time to stop her. He wasn't sure he could survive losing her when he was this close to having what he wanted. He loved her and he was going to do everything he could to prove it to her.

x x x x x x x x x x

"Okay, but isn't there anything you can do?" Buffy asked, struggling to hide her frustration. She'd been waiting at the airport for about four hours now with no real sign of getting out before noon. The earlier flight, the one that left at ten o'clock, was booked solid and the next flight wasn't until twelve thirty. "I must get out today."

"I'm doing the best that I can," the ticket agent said with some asperity. "I cannot help it if the flight is full. All I can do is book you on the later one."

"If that is the best you can do," Buffy sighed.

She could see in his expression that he was muttering to himself about rude Americans, but she just didn't care. She watched him entering his information into the computer and felt another surge of irritation as he stopped typing and frowned. What had gone wrong now?

"Is something wrong?" she asked.

"Hmmm? Oh, no." the man said, looking up at her. "There's been a cancellation on the ten o'clock flight. Shall I book it for you? You'll have to hurry to the gate."

"Oh, yes, please!" Buffy said, smiling. Maybe things were finally going her way.


	5. Chapter 5

Giles ran into the airport's main terminal, just shy of a complete panic. Traffic had been fairly heavy and it had taken him almost an hour to get here. He ran to the nearest information board, sure that he had missed her flight. It took him a minute to focus, but he realized that he still had half an hour and dashed off towards the gate.

He ran the whole way and five minutes later he was standing at the security check point, trying to catch his breath. He was desperately hoping that he could get someone to deliver a note to Buffy and was searching his pockets for a pen when he saw her. She was standing in line, waiting to put her bag on the belt to be scanned. He didn't even think about it, turning to run over to her.

He was stopped by a burly security guard, standing in front of a rope line.

"I'll need to see I.D. and your ticket, sir."

"I…I do have identification," Giles said, pulling his wallet out. "But I don't have a ticket."

"I'm sorry, sir, but I can't let you through."

"I just need to speak to someone for a moment," Giles said, struggling to hold down his desperation.

"I'm sorry, but there are rules."

"Please, I need to speak to her before she leaves. I'll just be a moment."

"I'm sorry, sir, but I can't."

Giles felt frustration building in him. She was right there and if he didn't hurry she would be gone without knowing he was ever there.

"Could you take her a note? Or tell her that I'm here? Please?"

"Sir, I cannot leave my post."

Giles drew in a shaky breath and decided to take a chance.

"Sir, I understand that there are rules, but the woman I love is about to board a plane and she doesn't know how I feel about her. I can't just let her leave." He put on his most pitiful expression, hoping the man would understand. "Is there anything I can do?"

The man thought for a moment, then looked at Giles.

"Well, sir, there really aren't any rules about calling to her. I'm sure if you yelled, it would get her attention."

Yelling in public really wasn't Giles's style, but he was desperate. With a grateful nod to the security guard, he moved along the security rope until he was about twenty feet from her. He took a deep breath and calmed himself down.

"Buffy!" he yelled, desperate to get her attention. After a second, he tried again, a little louder. "Buffy Summers!"

She froze and then turned to him, her eyes wide.

x x x x x x x x x x

Buffy had no idea what to do. She had almost been through security when Giles had come out of nowhere. She was really going to have to have a talk with Willow about what "don't tell Giles" meant. She looked at him and sighed, getting out of line and going to him.

"Giles, I…"

"No, don't give me an excuse, just listen," he said, reaching over the rope to take her hand.

Before he could go further, there was a voice from behind them.

"Miss, is there a problem?"

Buffy looked up, seeing a security guard standing next to her. He was eyeing Giles suspiciously.

"No, there's not a problem. The gentleman just needed to speak to me."

The man nodded.

"Please keep it brief," he said, walking away.

Buffy turned to look at Giles. He still hadn't let go of her hand.

"Buffy, I know you are afraid, but please don't leave. I need you." He took a deep breath. "Buffy, I love you."

Everything went out of focus for a second and Buffy felt her head spin. She shook her head to clear the buzzing she was hearing.

"I'm…huh?"

"Miss," the security guard had come by again. "You need to move along."

Buffy nodded, not even looking at Giles.

"Buffy, please talk to me."

"What do you want me to say? That this changes everything? It doesn't." She felt desperate and fought the urge to run.

"Buffy…"

"No, I can't, Giles."

"I know that you are afraid that you'll hurt me, but I'm not worried."

"No, Giles. I'm not afraid I'll hurt you. I'm afraid that I'll get you killed or turn you evil or something."

Giles laughed and she glared at him.

"I'm sorry, but I'm not going to become a demon because you love me."

"You don't know that!" Buffy fumed, upset that he wasn't taking this seriously. "Don't you get it? Every man who loves me dies or is broken. I couldn't take it if I did that to you. I won't!"

She bit her lip, trying to turn her back to him, yet he still wouldn't let go of her hand.

"Buffy," he said gently. "I know that there is a risk, but there always was and that never made me walk away before. Don't you understand? I love you and I'm willing to do anything to give this a chance."

"But I'm not."

"Shouldn't I have a say?" he asked, slightly exasperated. "Shouldn't this be my choice?"

"No," Buffy said. "This is my choice and I've already made it. I won't hurt you."

Giles brought her hand to his chest and she could feel the beating of his heart.

"I am human. I'm not going to turn evil. I love you desperately, and Buffy, the only thing that you could do that would break me would be to get on that plane."

Her lower lip began to quiver as tears blurred her vision.

"Please, Buffy," he whispered.

And for a moment she almost gave in, wanting nothing more than to be in his arms. But better judgment and an angry cough from the security guard broke the spell. She gently removed her hand from his.

"I'm sorry, but I just can't." With that she stepped forward, putting her bag on the belt. "I'll call you when I get there."

She resolutely turned her back on him and stepped through the checkpoint, refusing to look back.

x x x x x x x x x x

Giles just stood there, not even able to breath, until another frustrated cough from the security guard brought him back into focus. He wanted to tell the man that he was sorry, but he couldn't find the will to speak the words. He slowly walked a few feet away to lean against a post.

He knew he should just go home, but he wasn't even sure he could find the exit right now. His body was trembling, his eyes filled with tears and his heart was broken. He had come so close to having what his heart had yearned for, only to lose it to irrational fear.

He looked up at the clock, seeing that it was two minutes past ten, knowing that her plane was gone and she was on her way away from him. He wanted to die, but he knew that his fates weren't that kind. He drew in a shuttering breath and pushed himself off the pillar. He had to accept that he'd lost her and move on. After all, wasn't that what his life was all about?

He was just turning to leave when he saw something out of the corner of his eye. He turned to see Buffy standing just ten feet from him. Tears were streaming down her face.

"I…I couldn't…" Her voice broke and he rushed to her in three long strides. "I'm sorry…I…I just couldn't…"

He pulled her into his arms, kissing her forehead, her eyes, her cheeks.

"Oh, my dearest, thank you for coming back to me."

"But…Giles, this is bad. I'll hurt you. My dream said so. It told me I was going to get you killed."

"I don't think so. I think it was just trying to let you know the power you hold over me. And you do. You are my life and you hold my heart. But I am willing to take the risk. Do you think you could love me as I love you?"

"I already do," Buffy said, relaxing into his arms.

"Then shall we go home?" he asked, moving to stand beside her, but not letting her out of his arms.

"Home? As in your place?"

"As in our home," he said softly. "That is if you'll consent to move in with me."

"Moving a little fast, aren't we?" Buffy asked with a smile.

"Buffy, I have loved you for over five years. Isn't that slow enough?"

"Good point," Buffy said, wrapping her arm around his waist.

"Is that a yes?"

"It is," Buffy replied, learning against him as they walked. "Giles?"

"Hmm?"

"We're going to be very careful, aren't we? If I lost you…"

"You won't lose me," he said, stopping and turning to gently stroke her face. "I am yours, body, heart, and soul. And yes, I will be careful if you promise to do the same."

"That's a deal," Buffy said, stretching up to kiss him. He returned the kiss, enjoying the softness of her lips.

After a moment, he broke it and they resumed walking towards the exit.

"Giles?"

"Yes, dearest?"

"You do know my luggage is on its way to Rome."

"I do. We'll tell the airlines to send it back."

"And until it gets here? Giles, I have no clothes or shampoo."

"Hmm. As much as I like the idea of you without clothes, it might not be such a good idea with Willow and Xander there. I suppose we'll just have to go and purchase you some more."

"A shopping date?" Buffy asked with a laugh. "You are just the best boyfriend ever."

"I'm going to try to be," Giles said, pulling her closer to him as they walked. "For the rest of our lives, I'm going to try to be."

The End


End file.
